Desert Song
My Chemical Romance
We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith
Well after all, we'll lie another day
And through it all, we'll find some other way
To carry on through cartilage and fluid
And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?
Well tonight, well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days rocking out
Just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
I can see you awake anytime, in my head
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
From the lights to the pavement
From the van to the floor
From backstage to the doctor
From the Earth to the morgue, morgue, morgue, morgue
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days rocking out
Just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
I can see you awake anytime in my head
All fall down
Well after all...
25.9.08
24.9.08
I obviously *don't* own the graphic...but it was appropriate...so HT to Google for that one.
At dinner earlier, the discussion turned to the seasons and which was our favourite. I spent the entire time in thought about it rather than blabbering about it, and came up with some interesting insights. Well, I find it interesting at least.
First off, might I just say that my absolute favourite time of year is Autumn. I love that the temperature drops from the oppressive heat of Summer to pleasantly cool, breezy days. I love the bright reds and golds that spring forth from the trees and cover the ground. I love the sound of the fallen leaves crunching underfoot. I am such a bleedin' writer. I love the enticement of hot cider and caramel machiatto and apple orchards and pumpkin pie. Autumn is a beautiful time to be alive. A combination of all these things manages to keep me at peace with myself and the world, even when I am depressed or in one of my bizarre funks. The breeze plays in my hair and spreads the scent of dried leaves and the pleasant smoky-smell from chimneys. It's my favourite time to be outside and actually enjoy nature.
That being said, the conversation of the table also brought up what I enjoy of the other seasons. I think Winter has its charms, in the soft hush that newfallen snow creates. Everything looks like it's been dipped in powdered sugar on many mornings, even if the dusting is gone within a few hours - it was beautiful while it lasted. The icicles that form as the season goes somehow look elegant, even against a backdrop of telephone poles and wires. Walking through the crisp snow at night as it's falling is incredible, between the hush and the sense of contentment that while quiet is almost tangible. Winter does strange things to people, putting them in the giving mood and encouraging them to spend time with those they may not normally do. Spring is also a beautiful time of year, with its lush greens and bright colours of reborn flowers gracing the earth once more with their presence. The air is becoming more mild and enjoyable, and a fifty degree day is an occasion to break out the shorts once more. Everything is alive, and everything is visible after months under cover of snow. The trees and flowers don't merely bloom; they bud, bringing hope of things to come and the first tantalising smell that isn't manmade. It's a feeling and a smell man simply cannot recreate, no matter how many candles are sold. Summer is also a season of smells, of fires of a different variety and freshly mown grass, of grills and chlorine. It is the season of vacation, as all children and teenagers are on summer holiday and many adults take off work to go on road trips with friends and family. It is the season of celebrations and fireworks and parades. It is the season of simply getting away from the insanity of life and creating your own insanity. Even the heat of Summer requires creative measures; sprinklers are set out both to water the grass and cool the humans, rain dancers appear from seemingly nowhere at the first peal of thunder, children become bikers to rival those in the Tour de France. It changes people.
After some breakdown of why the seasons were so loved, the table topic turned to the order of the seasons. If you could change it, would you?
Short form of my answer? No.
Taking aside the biological and scientific reasons and purposes to the order being as it is, for me personally, and I'm sure others as well, the rotations of Spring to Summer to Autumn to Winter and back again are well suited to both my general temperament and my battle against depression. In its simplest form, Spring is rebirth after the death of Winter, Summer is the life of those born in Spring, Autumn is the last years of the life of Summer, Winter is the ultimate end of the joys of Autumn, Spring is rebirth...a never-ending cycle, which, regardless of how dead everything becomes, it gets better. Though life ends in death, in the seasons, nothing truly ends. Winter begins for me as pleasant, different. Colour is washed out of the landscape in favour of bright whites and blues and an entirely new world is created. The world becomes a darker place as the days draw in and nights grow in length. As a depressive, no matter how I try to deny it, darkness increases the depths of depression. After a few months of Winter, that depression can grow very deep indeed. Then, however, Spring begins to burst forth and break the cold, dark spell Winter had become. Life is rejuvenated as the plants and animals who hibernated through reawaken and stir again. Warmth begins to spread and thaw the world out, and the days embrace this and begin to grow long again. The new-found light helps pull me out of the depths, and I begin to thaw as well. The days become more active as Spring fades into Summer and there are tasks to be accomplished outside that have been neglected in the cold, dank months. All is well in the land, until the heat begins to affect moods, and peace is hard to come by once August finally rolls around. The heat and tempers flare, and the hole is slowly opened up again to swallow up those who aren't careful where or how they tread. Then Autumn begins a new approach, with days becoming shorter and as the air cools to temperatures more easily lived with, so do tempers, and peace is quickly made both with one's self and with others. As Autumn continues its march, which inevitably leads to Winter, the days grow short again, and though the light does not last as long, the atmosphere and the bright colours of the trees give the light an ability to permeate like no other season. This light fills everyone, regardless of whether they choose to admit it, allowing a sense of peace as well as a proper peace among people. The coolness of the season allows me to keep my head more readily, and is there to pull me out of Summer's void. Without fail, however, the temperature continues dropping, and Winter makes its move to hold the world in its freezing grip once more. The days continue to shorten, and even before the last vestiges of Autumn can have their say, snow begins to fall, enforcing in the minds and hearts that Winter has fully arrived, and the world has come full circle.
Amazing how much soul-searching can go into a simple, five-minute period, ne?
23.9.08
What your Idiot Webmistress is Trying to Say...
Hey! I'm Remus, I'm eighteen, I'm a sophomore in college. So blogging in Japanese is rather difficult...and I reckon my idea is a crock of shit. And I apologise to those of you in the studio audience who speak either language - I know I'm rotten at it, hence the practise...[and if you want to correct/help me, please do - I clearly need it]. I speak Japanese pretty rottenly, and please try not to hate me, dear Frenchmen...
Um...that's it. This makes me sick. See ya.
Um...that's it. This makes me sick. See ya.
Yeah, I'm good...not...
Bonjour ! Je m’appelle Remus, j’ai 18 ans, et je suis une étudiante à l’université – dans ma deuxième année. Je crois que mon grande idée est très stupide et difficile…et je suis désolée, si vous êtes français et vous lire mon blog, essayez de ne pas me détester…s’il vous plait…
Euh…c’est tout. Ca me rend malade.
Euh…c’est tout. Ca me rend malade.
22.9.08
So who's genius idea was this??
こんいちは！私はリーマスだ。十八歳だ。アルビオン大学の二年祭だ。 日本語のブロッグはむずかしいね… 何もわかる！ あの、日本人 ごめんあさい！ 私は日本語をはなしてとても上手ない！！ ごめん！
あの…じゃあね！
あの…じゃあね！
Another attempt.
So now I have two serious blogging experiments underway, starting today.
The first is the one that spawned the tag "Attempts at Serious Blogging" - I'm actually trying to keep this up to date by updating once or twice a week. So far, not bad. I need to update though - I don't reckon the MySpace survey counts, eh?
The second is an idea I thought up in class earlier today. It so happens that this year, I'm taking two languages - French and Japanese. Now, those of you in the studio audience that have actually talked to me know that I can barely speak English, and adding two completely different languages to the mix is getting a wee bit confusing. So - in order to practise, I'm gonna blog in three languages each week. Yup. That's right. So two entries in English, one in French, and one in Japanese. For those of you who don't speak either, one of the two entries in English will be in the same vein as the French and Japanese, and they'll both be the same entry too. So really, I'm only blogging twice, but I'm getting in some good practise. I'm geeked for it. You should be too.
Now, if you don't mind...I'm gonna get to work on me first trilingual entry.
The first is the one that spawned the tag "Attempts at Serious Blogging" - I'm actually trying to keep this up to date by updating once or twice a week. So far, not bad. I need to update though - I don't reckon the MySpace survey counts, eh?
The second is an idea I thought up in class earlier today. It so happens that this year, I'm taking two languages - French and Japanese. Now, those of you in the studio audience that have actually talked to me know that I can barely speak English, and adding two completely different languages to the mix is getting a wee bit confusing. So - in order to practise, I'm gonna blog in three languages each week. Yup. That's right. So two entries in English, one in French, and one in Japanese. For those of you who don't speak either, one of the two entries in English will be in the same vein as the French and Japanese, and they'll both be the same entry too. So really, I'm only blogging twice, but I'm getting in some good practise. I'm geeked for it. You should be too.
Now, if you don't mind...I'm gonna get to work on me first trilingual entry.
16.9.08
Oi Fella
Just a survey I picked up off of MySpace and figured, why not post here? The mood needed to be alleviated, it's rather depressing now.
And so, without further ado...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
89 Facts About You
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
Nope.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Almost eightteen years...with my mom.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Twenty bucks from my aunt (but my mom tried to tell me it was because I was hooking again. I love my mom).
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Yup. Hasn't busted open yet though. *knocks on bedframe*
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
Kendo last night was a workout, yo.
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Food and books.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Glazed chicken from Baldwin. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair and eyes.
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Um...it's not one that I'd normally think of, but it gets me every time, so I guess it counts, eh? "Welcome to the Black Parade."
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
In an apartment. Well, when I'm home. When I'm at school I'm in the I-House.
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Edsel.
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
T-Mobile.
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
I'm gonna go cliche and say Hot Topic. But Borders Express/Waldenbooks is always made of win too.
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
Never.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Yeah, but I've not got one here...sorry.
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
Only to excess.
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Ryan and Carolyn's, I think...
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Mary. Then Alexis, then Nick...etc...
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
Like half an hour ago.
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
McDonald's.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
Whenever someone says "I'm ok."
22. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Holiday Grill or Olga's.
23. CAN YOU COOK?
I can cook ramen and easy mac...
24. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
I don't.
25. BEST KISSER:
Wouldn't know.
26. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Almost this past weekend. But I actually can't remember the last time I did.
27. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Easy mac, funnily enough.
28. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Um...maybe...fuck I don't.
29. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Pretty much everything.
30. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
I've not
31. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Oh man...uh...right now? Um...The Dark Knight.
32. CAN YOU SING?
That's what they tell me.
33. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
MCR! w00t!
34. LAST KISS?
...never.
35. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Um...The Prestige. One of three movies to kick my ass.
36. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
My bag. No it's not a purse.
37. FAVORITE vacation spot
Either Chicago or South Dakota, or anywhere out in the middle of nowhere really.
38. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Laptop.
39. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Probably Dane Cook. But Jen Kober's pretty great too.
40. DO YOU SMOKE?
Second hand.
41. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
With, you creeper.
42. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
Me...?
43. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
They can.
44. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Personally, never.
45. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
Do y'like waffles? Yeah we like waffles! Do y'like pancakes? Yeah we like pancakes! Do y'like French toast? Yeah we like French toast! Doot do do doot can't wait to get a mouthful!
46. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
It's only the nectar of the gods.
47. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Over hard. 'Cause then the yoke ain't broke. Nor is it breakable...
48. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
Eh.
49. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
Probably Kristen.
50. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Campus Safety.
51. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
I couldn't tell you the last time I text someone.
52. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
Like a jillion.
53. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Jeans and a Blue Lake polo. Yeah, I'm snazzy.
54. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave.
55. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
That sort of thing's not my bag, baby, but if I have to choose, grape.
56. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
I fail at it, but it's fun.
57. CAN YOU SWIM?
Ish. Compared to Michael Phelps? No.
58. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Vanilla.
59. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?:
I don't use them, too confusing.
60. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I'm addicted to iced tea. Or rather, the caffeine therein.
61. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?
Maybe? I honestly couldn't tell you, my memory is that shitty.
62. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Autumn.
63. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Earlier on AIM.
64. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
Like quarter to eight.
65. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Snowball fights. And walking to 7-Eleven at midnight in the freezing cold.
66. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
Never.
67. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
Shamus.
68. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
They can be overrated, but Cap'n Jack Sparrow is the shit.
69. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Hopefully nothing.
70. BIRTHDATE:
November 30.
71. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
A history teacher. Only I'd be cool.
Ish.
72. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Deja vu...
73. ARE YOU SMILING?:
Not at the moment.
74. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
Kinda, yeah.
75. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Hokkaido or southern France. Or London. Yeah.
76. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Nope, I'm done with that crock of shit.
77. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
Dude when don't I?
78. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
That's classified, ma'am.
79. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Black.
80. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
Yup.
81. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Nope.
82. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Nope.
83. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Half o'one.
84. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
No, I'm in the level just above the basement.
85. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
No.
86. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Just once in like first grade. But it was no biggie.
87. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Kinda, but I'm clearly good without.
88. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Three earrings, eight rings, and eight bracelets. But don't get the wrong idea, I hate jewelry.
...
89. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Close the window, it's friggin freezing in here, Mr Bigglesworth.
And so, without further ado...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
89 Facts About You
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
Nope.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Almost eightteen years...with my mom.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Twenty bucks from my aunt (but my mom tried to tell me it was because I was hooking again. I love my mom).
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Yup. Hasn't busted open yet though. *knocks on bedframe*
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
Kendo last night was a workout, yo.
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Food and books.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Glazed chicken from Baldwin. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair and eyes.
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Um...it's not one that I'd normally think of, but it gets me every time, so I guess it counts, eh? "Welcome to the Black Parade."
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
In an apartment. Well, when I'm home. When I'm at school I'm in the I-House.
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Edsel.
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
T-Mobile.
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
I'm gonna go cliche and say Hot Topic. But Borders Express/Waldenbooks is always made of win too.
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
Never.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Yeah, but I've not got one here...sorry.
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
Only to excess.
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Ryan and Carolyn's, I think...
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Mary. Then Alexis, then Nick...etc...
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
Like half an hour ago.
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
McDonald's.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
Whenever someone says "I'm ok."
22. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Holiday Grill or Olga's.
23. CAN YOU COOK?
I can cook ramen and easy mac...
24. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
I don't.
25. BEST KISSER:
Wouldn't know.
26. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Almost this past weekend. But I actually can't remember the last time I did.
27. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Easy mac, funnily enough.
28. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Um...maybe...fuck I don't.
29. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Pretty much everything.
30. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
I've not
31. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Oh man...uh...right now? Um...The Dark Knight.
32. CAN YOU SING?
That's what they tell me.
33. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
MCR! w00t!
34. LAST KISS?
...never.
35. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Um...The Prestige. One of three movies to kick my ass.
36. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
My bag. No it's not a purse.
37. FAVORITE vacation spot
Either Chicago or South Dakota, or anywhere out in the middle of nowhere really.
38. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Laptop.
39. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Probably Dane Cook. But Jen Kober's pretty great too.
40. DO YOU SMOKE?
Second hand.
41. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
With, you creeper.
42. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
Me...?
43. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
They can.
44. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Personally, never.
45. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
Do y'like waffles? Yeah we like waffles! Do y'like pancakes? Yeah we like pancakes! Do y'like French toast? Yeah we like French toast! Doot do do doot can't wait to get a mouthful!
46. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
It's only the nectar of the gods.
47. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Over hard. 'Cause then the yoke ain't broke. Nor is it breakable...
48. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
Eh.
49. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
Probably Kristen.
50. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Campus Safety.
51. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
I couldn't tell you the last time I text someone.
52. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
Like a jillion.
53. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Jeans and a Blue Lake polo. Yeah, I'm snazzy.
54. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave.
55. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
That sort of thing's not my bag, baby, but if I have to choose, grape.
56. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
I fail at it, but it's fun.
57. CAN YOU SWIM?
Ish. Compared to Michael Phelps? No.
58. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Vanilla.
59. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?:
I don't use them, too confusing.
60. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I'm addicted to iced tea. Or rather, the caffeine therein.
61. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?
Maybe? I honestly couldn't tell you, my memory is that shitty.
62. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Autumn.
63. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Earlier on AIM.
64. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
Like quarter to eight.
65. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Snowball fights. And walking to 7-Eleven at midnight in the freezing cold.
66. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
Never.
67. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
Shamus.
68. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
They can be overrated, but Cap'n Jack Sparrow is the shit.
69. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Hopefully nothing.
70. BIRTHDATE:
November 30.
71. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
A history teacher. Only I'd be cool.
Ish.
72. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Deja vu...
73. ARE YOU SMILING?:
Not at the moment.
74. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
Kinda, yeah.
75. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Hokkaido or southern France. Or London. Yeah.
76. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Nope, I'm done with that crock of shit.
77. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
Dude when don't I?
78. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
That's classified, ma'am.
79. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Black.
80. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
Yup.
81. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Nope.
82. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Nope.
83. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Half o'one.
84. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
No, I'm in the level just above the basement.
85. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
No.
86. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Just once in like first grade. But it was no biggie.
87. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Kinda, but I'm clearly good without.
88. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Three earrings, eight rings, and eight bracelets. But don't get the wrong idea, I hate jewelry.
...
89. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Close the window, it's friggin freezing in here, Mr Bigglesworth.
8.9.08
Ours Not to Reason Why
This is why I wanted to find him sooner. I'd chalked it up to my imagination - hearing all those stories of people who drift from their fathers at a young age, only to reconcile years later (usually at about sixteen or so) and lose him within a few more years - these are not good things for an imagination like mine to hear. My imagination runs rampant with things like this. This time, though, I was afraid it would happen to me.
In my junior year of high school, I began taking steps to find Dad. I figured maybe he'd like to see me graduate. I gleaned what I could of where he was last known to be and what information could be gotten off my birth certificate and what Mom remembered. They all kept pointing to the same place, but nothing definite could be gotten - no contact info.
The search continued through senior year, though not as earnest - I searched the internet when it tickled my fancy, often getting the same results. Graduation came and went. No luck.
Freshman year of college, I'd just about put up the cause to lost. I had a new environment to take in, new people to meet from all over, several classes to keep up with. He got pushed to the back of my mind, and because it seemed pointless to even try anymore, I didn't. That summer, however...
That summer, I searched his surname only. Instead of the usual city, though, I found one several hours away. It so happened that I knew someone in this city, and I contacted them, asking them to search the name in the phonebook. The guy was good enough to not act too creeped out, and gave me the information. After some hemming and hawing (and some pushing from a friend) I contacted him again, this time asking for the area code. I called the number that seemed most promising, got voicemail, and left a message something to the effect of
In my junior year of high school, I began taking steps to find Dad. I figured maybe he'd like to see me graduate. I gleaned what I could of where he was last known to be and what information could be gotten off my birth certificate and what Mom remembered. They all kept pointing to the same place, but nothing definite could be gotten - no contact info.
The search continued through senior year, though not as earnest - I searched the internet when it tickled my fancy, often getting the same results. Graduation came and went. No luck.
Freshman year of college, I'd just about put up the cause to lost. I had a new environment to take in, new people to meet from all over, several classes to keep up with. He got pushed to the back of my mind, and because it seemed pointless to even try anymore, I didn't. That summer, however...
That summer, I searched his surname only. Instead of the usual city, though, I found one several hours away. It so happened that I knew someone in this city, and I contacted them, asking them to search the name in the phonebook. The guy was good enough to not act too creeped out, and gave me the information. After some hemming and hawing (and some pushing from a friend) I contacted him again, this time asking for the area code. I called the number that seemed most promising, got voicemail, and left a message something to the effect of
Um, hi, uh, this is going to be a slightly awkward message,
but...uh...there is a good possibility that you might be
my half-sister.
Yeah.
Um...If that's possible, here's my number, let me know if
I'm right, and if not, feel free to call back and tell me not
to leave odd messages like this randomly.
Uh...yeah.
Thanks.
but...uh...there is a good possibility that you might be
my half-sister.
Yeah.
Um...If that's possible, here's my number, let me know if
I'm right, and if not, feel free to call back and tell me not
to leave odd messages like this randomly.
Uh...yeah.
Thanks.
That night, I recieved a phone call from her. I was right. She was my half-sister. We talked until I ran out of time on my phone, and the next night, we chatted it up for over an hour. Eventually the talk turned to why I got in contact with them, and I told her about my attempts to find Dad. She said she'd do what she could to have him call me, and that she appreciated my calling her and actually leaving a message.
As the summer went on, we stayed in contact, and our devious plans began unfolding - she was coming for a conference in the area and figured we could get Dad roped into a lunch somewhere. It was a great plan I thought. No way for his fiancee to know (that's a whole other deal) that I was involved. I got up on the day, started trying to figure out something decentish to wear instead of my usual t-shirt, and in the middle of all this, the phone rang.
As the summer went on, we stayed in contact, and our devious plans began unfolding - she was coming for a conference in the area and figured we could get Dad roped into a lunch somewhere. It was a great plan I thought. No way for his fiancee to know (that's a whole other deal) that I was involved. I got up on the day, started trying to figure out something decentish to wear instead of my usual t-shirt, and in the middle of all this, the phone rang.
Hey, Brie? Lunch won't be happening today...
Oh, it won't? Why?
Well...Dad was taken to
ER
this morning with symptoms of what looks
like a stroke.
They're still doing
tests on him, but so far they can't figure out
what's wrong.
He's asleep right now, and
everyone's here, all the aunts and uncles...
Brie? Are you ok?
ER
this morning with symptoms of what looks
like a stroke.
They're still doing
tests on him, but so far they can't figure out
what's wrong.
He's asleep right now, and
everyone's here, all the aunts and uncles...
Brie? Are you ok?
I think so...
Yeah, me too. I'll keep you up to date
as I know, ok?
as I know, ok?
Ok...
Take care and God bless.
Yeah...you too...
Luckily she, Mom, and I got together that weekend still for lunch, and I finally got to meet her and hear the latest on Dad. Maybe an hour after we parted ways my phone vibrated - Dad had been released earlier in the day, and they were pretty sure they knew the cause. Relief at last for all involved.
Then school started up again, and here I sit.
My phone was off and charging last night, so I missed Mom's call. She left a message, though.
Luckily she, Mom, and I got together that weekend still for lunch, and I finally got to meet her and hear the latest on Dad. Maybe an hour after we parted ways my phone vibrated - Dad had been released earlier in the day, and they were pretty sure they knew the cause. Relief at last for all involved.
Then school started up again, and here I sit.
My phone was off and charging last night, so I missed Mom's call. She left a message, though.
Hey hon, it's me, gimme a call if you
get the chance, ok? Thanks,
talk to you later...Bye.
get the chance, ok? Thanks,
talk to you later...Bye.
So I called her back this morning.
Well, I was kinda hoping you'd call last night...
Sorry, phone was off and charging...
And here I sit, those stories of fathers and children racing through my head.
Will mine be one of them?
Well yeah. Um...your dad's
back in the hospital. He's had
six strokes since he's been there.
back in the hospital. He's had
six strokes since he's been there.
...
And here I sit, those stories of fathers and children racing through my head.
Will mine be one of them?
4.9.08
Why So Serious?
Y’know, we’re all really fucked up, even if we don’t think of ourselves that way. We all somehow come from a broken home – broken emotionally, broken physically, broken mentally, broken financially. Everyone can fit into one of those categories. I wouldn’t have considered myself to have come from one – in fact, if I’d been asked twenty minutes ago, I’d tell you I came from one of the best homes I’d seen. Only child, single mother, it all works out. It’s a close relationship, I didn’t have to deal with idiots growing up (except myself). Twenty minutes ago I would have said Charlotte came from an in-tact home as well. But now, under this new realization…wow. It’s all pretty messed up. I grew up with a depressed mother, with financial problems, and no dad to speak of. All these factors and more have created the mess that is typing this – I myself am depressed, as I’m eighteen and in need of a first job I’d say that’s financial problems, I have a hard time communicating with guys properly for the first time because I’ve never had any kind of contact with them. (I’d say I got lucky with Papaer and Sir.) As for Charlotte, she and her siblings got along famously (not), especially her and her brother, which in my humble opinion might have something to do with her status. A subconscious revolt against her parents may also be at the heart of it – they are constantly pressuring her to bring home a guy to have lots of sex and babies. I don’t think she’s well-suited to her family dynamic. I know she loves them, and I know they love her, but…It’s almost a mismatch. I’m not saying that any little rift in any familial relationship should automatically be construed as broken, but that once we begin to get more objective, we might see little bits of brokenness.
Next week on SeeSquared, we examine why these epiphanies only happen in the middle of homework.
Next week on SeeSquared, we examine why these epiphanies only happen in the middle of homework.
3.9.08
A Realisation
It continues to haunt me.
In my dreams
In my few alone moments
In the simplest recollections of the past
It's there.
Will it never leave me?
Am I forever scarred?
All I can do is pray not.
It should not still be with me
It should be dead and gone
And yet
And yet -
There it is
In everything I say and do
It weighs upon me
It invades my life
How have I not killed it?
How does it continue to thrive?
Easy.
I let it.
I keep it dangling by one small thread of life
And it continues to torment me
And haunt me.
I refuse to let it die.
Some small part of me never wants to forget
But some small part of me never wants to remember.
It's too painful
It's too much
It's there.
Even if some day I do kill it
And allow it to stay dead
It will linger
Because it has affected me
In ways I cannot yet fathom.
Like a scar that refuses to go away -
Like a wound kept open -
It will stay.
The injury may stop throbbing
But the pain will never fade away.
In my dreams
In my few alone moments
In the simplest recollections of the past
It's there.
Will it never leave me?
Am I forever scarred?
All I can do is pray not.
It should not still be with me
It should be dead and gone
And yet
And yet -
There it is
In everything I say and do
It weighs upon me
It invades my life
How have I not killed it?
How does it continue to thrive?
Easy.
I let it.
I keep it dangling by one small thread of life
And it continues to torment me
And haunt me.
I refuse to let it die.
Some small part of me never wants to forget
But some small part of me never wants to remember.
It's too painful
It's too much
It's there.
Even if some day I do kill it
And allow it to stay dead
It will linger
Because it has affected me
In ways I cannot yet fathom.
Like a scar that refuses to go away -
Like a wound kept open -
It will stay.
The injury may stop throbbing
But the pain will never fade away.
If I Could Travel Back in Time...
I'd visit...
~1773-1800 - American Colonies/US I'm enough of a history geek that I'd want to visit a war. That's right. I think it'd be fascinating to see where today's history textbooks got it wrong - I for one have issues with Paul Revere's ride. It feels too much like an American legend than revolutionary history. That, and I need to research.
~1600 - London, England Not for the plague, you silly persons. Shakespeare's Hamlet should have opened around then, and I'd like to see how it was done with the Bard's own input. He was my first Shakespearean love, and I have a feeling Burbage did him justice. Dare I say, maybe more so than Kenneth Branagh...?
~1971 - backlot of 20th Century Fox Just because MASH (the movie) was filming there, and I'd love to ruin shots by cracking up off-screen.
~1969 - my hometown I, like most people I would assume, wonder what my parents were like when they were my age. While at this point, I'd be three or four years older than my mom, I wouldn't care, it's close enough. This way I get to see all the idiots she hung out with too (sorry dudes).
~1998 - Leavesden Studios/English countryside Yeah, that's right, I'm travelling back to when I was eight years old. Just to see how *cough*badly*cough* well a fanfic of mine would work out, and to get more technical information on the world I'm writing in. Sleepy Hollow was being filmed around this time, and it's in Tim Burton's world I'm writing, not Washington Irving's. I'm sure that would have been just as fun, but since I'm more familiar with Burton's, I'll go with that.
When would you go?
~1773-1800 - American Colonies/US I'm enough of a history geek that I'd want to visit a war. That's right. I think it'd be fascinating to see where today's history textbooks got it wrong - I for one have issues with Paul Revere's ride. It feels too much like an American legend than revolutionary history. That, and I need to research.
~1600 - London, England Not for the plague, you silly persons. Shakespeare's Hamlet should have opened around then, and I'd like to see how it was done with the Bard's own input. He was my first Shakespearean love, and I have a feeling Burbage did him justice. Dare I say, maybe more so than Kenneth Branagh...?
~1971 - backlot of 20th Century Fox Just because MASH (the movie) was filming there, and I'd love to ruin shots by cracking up off-screen.
~1969 - my hometown I, like most people I would assume, wonder what my parents were like when they were my age. While at this point, I'd be three or four years older than my mom, I wouldn't care, it's close enough. This way I get to see all the idiots she hung out with too (sorry dudes).
~1998 - Leavesden Studios/English countryside Yeah, that's right, I'm travelling back to when I was eight years old. Just to see how *cough*badly*cough* well a fanfic of mine would work out, and to get more technical information on the world I'm writing in. Sleepy Hollow was being filmed around this time, and it's in Tim Burton's world I'm writing, not Washington Irving's. I'm sure that would have been just as fun, but since I'm more familiar with Burton's, I'll go with that.
When would you go?
2.9.08
Fuck Anthropology, I Need to Blog
The reading can wait, says I.
Just as an FYI to you non-existent readers, I'm going to try to update this once or twice a week. I can't promise, because quite frankly, I don't think my life is that interesting to people outside of who's mentioned here, and I wouldn't like to bore you at all, so...yeah. Wish me luck, yo.
I've noticed lately that when I sit down to write - not journal, but write stories and imaginary people's life events - the thoughts don't go where intended. I started to write prose-in-poem-form with the working title of "Champagne and Chardonnay" but it ended up somewhere I find stupid and nonsensical. It just...kinda...goes. Same with Gaby. She's not going where I thought she was, nor is Cat and nor is Bryen (either of them). Not just does the actual plot change, but the style does too. Suffice to say, I don't get it.
As for life, I had a spectacular weekend. Went South for the holiday, because my chunk of a second cousin was baptised Sunday. Also meant I got to see family I've not seen in a good four years. Well, "family" - my cousin's in-laws. I was introduced to the world of cornhole, and as a n00b with beginner's luck, my mother and I pwned my godfather/cousin and aunt, because we are just that amazing. Ish. Apparently I wasn't used to using my muscles in that manner, because my back and shoulder are still pretty stiff. That aside, the weekend was well-spent and those are the best weekends.
That was almost deep.
I recently got into a JPop group, Sukima Switch (スキマスイッチ), introduced to my Japanese class by our new sensei. (On an unrelated note, I've decided that that position is our version of the DADA post.) I'm not usually one for pop, but I love the melodies and instrumentation. I have no idea what the words say, because I've had little to no luck finding the lyrics in translation. Bleah. I'm willing to bet I'll love the lyrics as well. Should you find them, let me know, eh?
And last but not least, I'm going to list five random facts that reveal little to nothing about me.
~I'm addicted to iced tea.
~I picked a sucky schedule this semester.
~I can't decide if I prefer Firefox or Internet Explorer.
~I wear a lot of mismatched jewellry.
~I can't think of a fifth thing.
Just as an FYI to you non-existent readers, I'm going to try to update this once or twice a week. I can't promise, because quite frankly, I don't think my life is that interesting to people outside of who's mentioned here, and I wouldn't like to bore you at all, so...yeah. Wish me luck, yo.
I've noticed lately that when I sit down to write - not journal, but write stories and imaginary people's life events - the thoughts don't go where intended. I started to write prose-in-poem-form with the working title of "Champagne and Chardonnay" but it ended up somewhere I find stupid and nonsensical. It just...kinda...goes. Same with Gaby. She's not going where I thought she was, nor is Cat and nor is Bryen (either of them). Not just does the actual plot change, but the style does too. Suffice to say, I don't get it.
As for life, I had a spectacular weekend. Went South for the holiday, because my chunk of a second cousin was baptised Sunday. Also meant I got to see family I've not seen in a good four years. Well, "family" - my cousin's in-laws. I was introduced to the world of cornhole, and as a n00b with beginner's luck, my mother and I pwned my godfather/cousin and aunt, because we are just that amazing. Ish. Apparently I wasn't used to using my muscles in that manner, because my back and shoulder are still pretty stiff. That aside, the weekend was well-spent and those are the best weekends.
That was almost deep.
I recently got into a JPop group, Sukima Switch (スキマスイッチ), introduced to my Japanese class by our new sensei. (On an unrelated note, I've decided that that position is our version of the DADA post.) I'm not usually one for pop, but I love the melodies and instrumentation. I have no idea what the words say, because I've had little to no luck finding the lyrics in translation. Bleah. I'm willing to bet I'll love the lyrics as well. Should you find them, let me know, eh?
And last but not least, I'm going to list five random facts that reveal little to nothing about me.
~I'm addicted to iced tea.
~I picked a sucky schedule this semester.
~I can't decide if I prefer Firefox or Internet Explorer.
~I wear a lot of mismatched jewellry.
~I can't think of a fifth thing.
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