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i can haz spreeng?

We were talking together

I said, what's up with this weather?

Don't know whether or not

How sad I just got

Was of my own volition

Or if I'm just missin' the sun

I know I'm missing the sun. This midwestern winter's been a right pain in the ass. Luckily spring is only a few more weeks around the corner. I'm ready for warm weather and sunshine and colour and...I know this is insane...no snow. I'm pretty much over the snow, and not just because it tends to make me fall down. Although that helps. I'm tired of trudging through it, and of it falling, and of it covering the landscape. Life is so dull and grey right now. Bleah.

平和

Remus

*"High of 75", Relient K, Mmhmm

Update to the last entry

While the slap still stings, the motivation still abandons me. Sigh. I have an appointment Tuesday with Dinah, so I think I'm going to ask her about adult ADD. I read a wee bit about it and it seemed to fit my problems to a tee, so I figured I'd get her opinion. Seems appropriate, considering she's a psychologist. Heh.

I have work I should be doing. Quelle surprise.

平和

Remus

Well kids. It's honest-to-God slapped me in the face. It's time to do something. Something *must* change. I haven't even figured out why the change that spawned this happened, and I thought figuring that out was the key to fixing this. Apparently not. Apparently you just have to say 'fuck it' and change or nothing ever will. I don't know how to change other than to just do it, and that's been workin' out real swell for me, hasn't it? I don't know what to do, I don't know how to ask, and even if I did, I don't know *who* to ask. Wanna know how you can tell this change is legit? I've cried over academics before. But I've never sobbed for ten minutes about it. I have to change. It has to be something I do. I can't just say 'I'm going to succeed this semester!' and expect to sit by and not change and have everything work out all peachy keen. No wonder the future terrifies me. I can't even get through the present because I'm stuck in the past.

I could go on and on and on if I had but time. These things always seem to happen immediately before something else that I cannot get out of - today, it's an astronomy exam. It's not gonna go so hot, between my headache (which crying has only made worse) and not being able to concentrate...but I'm gonna muddle through it and two pm today marks the beginning of the change. I have to or I won't make it, that's all there is to it.

平和

Remus

PS I really need that peace. If you're of the praying variety I'll take all the help I can get. Thanks.

Maybe the reason I haven't met success is because nothing's really changed. And maybe the answer to the question of 'why haven't you changed' is 'I don't know how'. And that just drives me up the fucking wall.

Bugs of the non-bacterial variety bite at the most inopportune moments...why is that?

People Come and Go So Quickly Here...

Well, I'm just ridiculous, 'cause now my motivation's back, I'm just kind of ignoring it to a degree. hahahaha But yeah, just thought I'd throw out there that I'm more on track again...That's it.

平和
Remus

Bored and Listless

Why is motivation so easily lost? I have things I need to be doing; I want desperately to succeed; but here I sit, feeling bored and unable to make myself do anything. So it all comes back to...why.

I'm going to go attempt again to do what I need to do...hopefully the tune will have changed again by the end of the week.

平和

Remus