Well kids. It's honest-to-God slapped me in the face. It's time to do something. Something *must* change. I haven't even figured out why the change that spawned this happened, and I thought figuring that out was the key to fixing this. Apparently not. Apparently you just have to say 'fuck it' and change or nothing ever will. I don't know how to change other than to just do it, and that's been workin' out real swell for me, hasn't it? I don't know what to do, I don't know how to ask, and even if I did, I don't know *who* to ask. Wanna know how you can tell this change is legit? I've cried over academics before. But I've never sobbed for ten minutes about it. I have to change. It has to be something I do. I can't just say 'I'm going to succeed this semester!' and expect to sit by and not change and have everything work out all peachy keen. No wonder the future terrifies me. I can't even get through the present because I'm stuck in the past.

I could go on and on and on if I had but time. These things always seem to happen immediately before something else that I cannot get out of - today, it's an astronomy exam. It's not gonna go so hot, between my headache (which crying has only made worse) and not being able to concentrate...but I'm gonna muddle through it and two pm today marks the beginning of the change. I have to or I won't make it, that's all there is to it.

平和

Remus

PS I really need that peace. If you're of the praying variety I'll take all the help I can get. Thanks.