I feel...: determined
Jammin' to: Mozart *Giovani Leiti from The Marriage of Figaro*
It's not finished!...Not nearly!...Forgive me. Time was I could write a Mass in a week!...Give me one month more and it'll be done: I swear it!...He'll grant me that, surely? God can't want it unfinished!...Look -- look, see what I've done. Here's the Kyrie -- that's finished! Take that to Him -- He'll see it's not unworthy!...Grant me time, I beg you! If you do, I swear I'll write a real piece of music. I know I've boasted I've written hundreds, but it's not true. I've written nothing finally good! Oh, it began so well, my life. Once the world was so full, so happy!...All the journeys -- all the carriages -- all the rooms of smiles! Everyone smiled at me once -- the king at Schonbrunn; the princess at Versailles -- they lit my way with candles to the clavier -- my father bowing, bowing, bowing with such joy!..."Chevalier Mozart, my miraculous son!"...Why has it all gone?...Why?...Was I so bad? So wicked?...Answer for Him and tell me! [music rips] [fearfully] Why...Is it not good?
12.8.06
what i wrote two nights ago
I feel...: creative (but not...wtf)
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *I'm Not Okay (I Promise)*
i hate this feeling. all i wanna do is write, but what? it's 11.30 at night, so part of me just wants to sleep. but this part of me wants to write. why? there's gotta be a reason. i just wished i knew what it was. it's seriously all i wanna do at the moment.
im not ok i dont want you to go don't leave me here alone i cant do it without you youre all ive got left its not the life it seems listen to me im not ok i need you here with me for it to be ok otherwise im nothing i dont want to be here all alone with no one here beside me i dont need the extra madness i need you im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok you jumped out the second floor im not ok i need you dont go you cant go cant you see im desperate or are you honestly that blind you cant go not without me i cant be here alone with you never coming home its not fair was i the reason you left if youd known id need you so would you stop walking away im not ok please dont leave me here i need you if i dont have you i might die slowly inside i dont want to exist like that why do you keep walking away from me youre just making it worse i cant survive without you cant you understand that if you leave me here they'll kill me youll kill me you are killing me by walking away where are you going thats so important what did i do wrong to earn your scorn im not ok i wont be till you save me dont leave me here do you know what theyve done to me what theyll do to me spirit me away with you ill fade to black im barely holding on have you got nothing to say by the grace of God stay with me better yet get me away from this place i dont want to stay here any longer ive been here long enough where are you going im begging you dont go do you have to please take me with you i cant stay here any longer ill die do you understand they put me in a hole i cant stay i must get out i need you remember me take me with you i cant implore you enough get me out of here please this night im all alone in here i must be free i cant wait much longer hurry just this waiting is killing me im staring down a loaded gun get me out of here the fuse is short its about to blow im falling down in despair im on my knees begging you were once my one true love why wont you rescue me now was i really that stupid to think that highly of you i thought youd do anything for me you said you would but here you are just standing there impervius to my pleas but oh here they come please quickly now take me get me out or thisll be the very end why do you look at me like that theyre coming closer please let me out hunting season is open and im the first victim for theyre here theyre binding me and youre standing there watching youre not powerless please i beg you stop them dont let them take me now theyve got my feet im being dragged away youre getting smaller and smaller its getting darker and darker im going to die you know theyve come to actually kill me this time you could have saved me you could have prevented it but im beginning to believe you had a hand in my current state of affairs it was all you wasn't it but why you knew of my affections and now youve shattered them youve shattered me but at the same time though i be dead so far away ill always miss you more than i did yesterday.
12.09 am
damn. when i say i wanna write, i mean - i wanna write!
holy hell.
yeah im done for the nightgood night.
~~~
So yeah. That's what I wrote two nights ago. Now, if you'll kindly step to one side, I'll show you some interesting aspects of the piece. You'll notice many writings of "im not ok": well, I was listening to that song when I first set pen to paper. Many little phrases are from that song too. Um...there's only like two places where I put punctuation marks (of any kind) and that's because that's how I actually wrote it in my notebook. The fact that I could read it at all is a miracle, to be honest, my writing's terrible (as some of you can attest to...). I took other snippets of songs, but I don't know what they're called, so...Yes, I know the one question ("im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok") doesn't make sense, but a) I was tired when I wrote it, and b) it made sense at the time. I also threw an actually humourous line in from Shakespeare's "Hamlet": "oh here they come". Well, it's humourous in the play at any rate. Um...yeah. I think that's about all of my little footnotes. If I think of any more, I'll add an idea to the entry.
Peace
Remus
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *I'm Not Okay (I Promise)*
i hate this feeling. all i wanna do is write, but what? it's 11.30 at night, so part of me just wants to sleep. but this part of me wants to write. why? there's gotta be a reason. i just wished i knew what it was. it's seriously all i wanna do at the moment.
im not ok i dont want you to go don't leave me here alone i cant do it without you youre all ive got left its not the life it seems listen to me im not ok i need you here with me for it to be ok otherwise im nothing i dont want to be here all alone with no one here beside me i dont need the extra madness i need you im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok you jumped out the second floor im not ok i need you dont go you cant go cant you see im desperate or are you honestly that blind you cant go not without me i cant be here alone with you never coming home its not fair was i the reason you left if youd known id need you so would you stop walking away im not ok please dont leave me here i need you if i dont have you i might die slowly inside i dont want to exist like that why do you keep walking away from me youre just making it worse i cant survive without you cant you understand that if you leave me here they'll kill me youll kill me you are killing me by walking away where are you going thats so important what did i do wrong to earn your scorn im not ok i wont be till you save me dont leave me here do you know what theyve done to me what theyll do to me spirit me away with you ill fade to black im barely holding on have you got nothing to say by the grace of God stay with me better yet get me away from this place i dont want to stay here any longer ive been here long enough where are you going im begging you dont go do you have to please take me with you i cant stay here any longer ill die do you understand they put me in a hole i cant stay i must get out i need you remember me take me with you i cant implore you enough get me out of here please this night im all alone in here i must be free i cant wait much longer hurry just this waiting is killing me im staring down a loaded gun get me out of here the fuse is short its about to blow im falling down in despair im on my knees begging you were once my one true love why wont you rescue me now was i really that stupid to think that highly of you i thought youd do anything for me you said you would but here you are just standing there impervius to my pleas but oh here they come please quickly now take me get me out or thisll be the very end why do you look at me like that theyre coming closer please let me out hunting season is open and im the first victim for theyre here theyre binding me and youre standing there watching youre not powerless please i beg you stop them dont let them take me now theyve got my feet im being dragged away youre getting smaller and smaller its getting darker and darker im going to die you know theyve come to actually kill me this time you could have saved me you could have prevented it but im beginning to believe you had a hand in my current state of affairs it was all you wasn't it but why you knew of my affections and now youve shattered them youve shattered me but at the same time though i be dead so far away ill always miss you more than i did yesterday.
12.09 am
damn. when i say i wanna write, i mean - i wanna write!
holy hell.
yeah im done for the nightgood night.
~~~
So yeah. That's what I wrote two nights ago. Now, if you'll kindly step to one side, I'll show you some interesting aspects of the piece. You'll notice many writings of "im not ok": well, I was listening to that song when I first set pen to paper. Many little phrases are from that song too. Um...there's only like two places where I put punctuation marks (of any kind) and that's because that's how I actually wrote it in my notebook. The fact that I could read it at all is a miracle, to be honest, my writing's terrible (as some of you can attest to...). I took other snippets of songs, but I don't know what they're called, so...Yes, I know the one question ("im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok") doesn't make sense, but a) I was tired when I wrote it, and b) it made sense at the time. I also threw an actually humourous line in from Shakespeare's "Hamlet": "oh here they come". Well, it's humourous in the play at any rate. Um...yeah. I think that's about all of my little footnotes. If I think of any more, I'll add an idea to the entry.
Peace
Remus
11.8.06
La de da
I feel...: pensive again
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *Thank You For the Venom*
So I'm laying in bad last night before I fell asleep, and it's like 11.30, and I decide that I wanna write. I didn't know what, or why, but I did. Luckily I had a notebook on the shelf by my bed, so I got that down and just kinda started writing. I don't have the notebook here with me, but I wrote for a good two pages...I'll put that up here tomorrow...provided I get a few minutes tomorrow morning to update *again*...So yeah, that's that. I think.
Peace
Remus
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *Thank You For the Venom*
So I'm laying in bad last night before I fell asleep, and it's like 11.30, and I decide that I wanna write. I didn't know what, or why, but I did. Luckily I had a notebook on the shelf by my bed, so I got that down and just kinda started writing. I don't have the notebook here with me, but I wrote for a good two pages...I'll put that up here tomorrow...provided I get a few minutes tomorrow morning to update *again*...So yeah, that's that. I think.
Peace
Remus
9.8.06
Thinking sucks
I feel...: pensive
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *Vampires Will Never Hurt You*
So I was thinking last night (yes my head now hurts lol), and I realised that I don't like telling other people what music groups I listen to. Like, almost if I tell them that, it reveals something about me that maybe I don't want the world to know...like I hate doing finals in Concert Choir, because I like to do songs I know by the artists I love, but when it comes time to say, "Hey I'm [Remus] and I'm doing [a song] by [an artist]" it's like, I can't tell them that, it's too intimate, I don't want them to have something else to judge me by.
Huh. It's the damn judgement complex again. It all comes back to that, doesn't it?
Peace
Remus
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *Vampires Will Never Hurt You*
So I was thinking last night (yes my head now hurts lol), and I realised that I don't like telling other people what music groups I listen to. Like, almost if I tell them that, it reveals something about me that maybe I don't want the world to know...like I hate doing finals in Concert Choir, because I like to do songs I know by the artists I love, but when it comes time to say, "Hey I'm [Remus] and I'm doing [a song] by [an artist]" it's like, I can't tell them that, it's too intimate, I don't want them to have something else to judge me by.
Huh. It's the damn judgement complex again. It all comes back to that, doesn't it?
Peace
Remus
2.8.06
I've figured summat else out
I feel...: apathetic
Jammin' to: Twisted Sister *We're Not Gonna Take It*
Well, it's not what I meant to do earlier (at least, I don't think so...) but it's summat to say...I spend all my time trying to find out all I can about someone, but I'll only have curiousity as long as I don't have to tell the person anything about me. Why? Dunno. Maybe because if the person doesn't know anything about me, then they can't throw it back in my face...and then I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't have to be paranoid about what they think of me, because they'll have nothing to judge me on except my looks...which aren't all that great, I'll grant you, but still, it's not the point, it's the principle of the thing. They're a bad thing to go by, like judging a book by it's cover. But I always expect the judgment to be harsh, y'know? I feel like I'm under a microscope, like I could be in a huge crowd situation, but I feel like everyone's judging me. What's up with that?
Yeah, I'm done.
Peace
Remus
Jammin' to: Twisted Sister *We're Not Gonna Take It*
Well, it's not what I meant to do earlier (at least, I don't think so...) but it's summat to say...I spend all my time trying to find out all I can about someone, but I'll only have curiousity as long as I don't have to tell the person anything about me. Why? Dunno. Maybe because if the person doesn't know anything about me, then they can't throw it back in my face...and then I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't have to be paranoid about what they think of me, because they'll have nothing to judge me on except my looks...which aren't all that great, I'll grant you, but still, it's not the point, it's the principle of the thing. They're a bad thing to go by, like judging a book by it's cover. But I always expect the judgment to be harsh, y'know? I feel like I'm under a microscope, like I could be in a huge crowd situation, but I feel like everyone's judging me. What's up with that?
Yeah, I'm done.
Peace
Remus
1.8.06
Survey says part deux/so yeah...
I feel...: half-assed (aka amused)
Jammin' to: MCR *To The End*
All of that & More
B E S T
Male friend
sir
Female friend
ummmm...solly, but I\'d have to say Meddy
Vacation
Niagara Falls
W O R S T
Time of the Day
3.47 am *shrugs*
Day of the Week
Monday
Food
Spinach
Memory
ummmm...good question
L A S T
Person you saw
my cousin
Talked on the phone with
my mom
Hugged
...I don\'t remember
Text Messaged
Pippy
Messaged on Myspace
haven\'t got one
Kissed
no one *cries*
T O D A Y
What are you doing now
watching Supernova and this
What were you doing earlier
watching movies, was on parley
Wearing
my pjs
Better than yesterday
well, my ankle and sunburn hurt less so yeah i guess
Doing later
um, sleeping
T O M O R R O W
Is
Wednesday? *shrugs*
Got any Plans
maybe hang out with nick and meddy, dunno
Goal
remember what i was gonna say to sir a few weeks ago
Dislikes about tomorrow
gonna be hot again
F A V O R I T E
Number
either 14 or 24
Song
MCR\'s \"You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison\"
Color
deep deep red...like blood red...and navy blue
Season
fall
C U R R E N T L Y
Missing
sir
Wanting
...
Needing
...
R A N D O M
Are you a cuddler
think so
Are you a morning person
um lemme think NO
Are you a Perfectionist
sometimes
Are you a only child
yup
Do you have tendency to fall for the "wrong guy/girl"
dunno
Do you have a secret your ashamed to reveal
plenty
Do you have a hidden talent
if i do it\'s hidden pretty well, even from me
Do you have friends that have never seen your natural hair color
um...everyone has, never done anything to it
Is there someone you wish were dead
don\'t think so
Have you have the cops called on you
nope
Are you currently suffering from a broken heart
...in a manner of speaking
Left handed or right handed
like i\'ve said before, does it matter? either way it\'s illegible
Have you changed a lot over the past year
i think so
Tell us YOUR answers to this survey! Click HERE!
Created by KoKoBecky, taken 675 times.Created at Kwiz.biz - Kwizzes, Polls and Surveys!
===============================================
I feel...: meh
Jammin' to: Goo Goo Dolls *Iris*
So...I'm just chillin', watching The Three Stooges, and it occurred to me last night, that Larry looks like Ray Toro from MCR. Yup. Not totally, but the resemblance is there.
Um...so again, I feel like I wanna update, but I dunno why. I hate it when I feel like this. All I wanna do is write in my journal about something, but I can't...because I don't know what I wanna write about. I hate this.
Well, if I figure out what I wanna write about...I will.
Peace
Remus
PS. Maybe all I can say is, I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand...
Jammin' to: MCR *To The End*
All of that & More
B E S T
Male friend
sir
Female friend
ummmm...solly, but I\'d have to say Meddy
Vacation
Niagara Falls
W O R S T
Time of the Day
3.47 am *shrugs*
Day of the Week
Monday
Food
Spinach
Memory
ummmm...good question
L A S T
Person you saw
my cousin
Talked on the phone with
my mom
Hugged
...I don\'t remember
Text Messaged
Pippy
Messaged on Myspace
haven\'t got one
Kissed
no one *cries*
T O D A Y
What are you doing now
watching Supernova and this
What were you doing earlier
watching movies, was on parley
Wearing
my pjs
Better than yesterday
well, my ankle and sunburn hurt less so yeah i guess
Doing later
um, sleeping
T O M O R R O W
Is
Wednesday? *shrugs*
Got any Plans
maybe hang out with nick and meddy, dunno
Goal
remember what i was gonna say to sir a few weeks ago
Dislikes about tomorrow
gonna be hot again
F A V O R I T E
Number
either 14 or 24
Song
MCR\'s \"You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison\"
Color
deep deep red...like blood red...and navy blue
Season
fall
C U R R E N T L Y
Missing
sir
Wanting
...
Needing
...
R A N D O M
Are you a cuddler
think so
Are you a morning person
um lemme think NO
Are you a Perfectionist
sometimes
Are you a only child
yup
Do you have tendency to fall for the "wrong guy/girl"
dunno
Do you have a secret your ashamed to reveal
plenty
Do you have a hidden talent
if i do it\'s hidden pretty well, even from me
Do you have friends that have never seen your natural hair color
um...everyone has, never done anything to it
Is there someone you wish were dead
don\'t think so
Have you have the cops called on you
nope
Are you currently suffering from a broken heart
...in a manner of speaking
Left handed or right handed
like i\'ve said before, does it matter? either way it\'s illegible
Have you changed a lot over the past year
i think so
Tell us YOUR answers to this survey! Click HERE!
Created by KoKoBecky, taken 675 times.Created at Kwiz.biz - Kwizzes, Polls and Surveys!
===============================================
I feel...: meh
Jammin' to: Goo Goo Dolls *Iris*
So...I'm just chillin', watching The Three Stooges, and it occurred to me last night, that Larry looks like Ray Toro from MCR. Yup. Not totally, but the resemblance is there.
Um...so again, I feel like I wanna update, but I dunno why. I hate it when I feel like this. All I wanna do is write in my journal about something, but I can't...because I don't know what I wanna write about. I hate this.
Well, if I figure out what I wanna write about...I will.
Peace
Remus
PS. Maybe all I can say is, I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand...
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