what i wrote two nights ago

I feel...: creative (but not...wtf)
Jammin' to: My Chemical Romance *I'm Not Okay (I Promise)*
i hate this feeling. all i wanna do is write, but what? it's 11.30 at night, so part of me just wants to sleep. but this part of me wants to write. why? there's gotta be a reason. i just wished i knew what it was. it's seriously all i wanna do at the moment.
im not ok i dont want you to go don't leave me here alone i cant do it without you youre all ive got left its not the life it seems listen to me im not ok i need you here with me for it to be ok otherwise im nothing i dont want to be here all alone with no one here beside me i dont need the extra madness i need you im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok you jumped out the second floor im not ok i need you dont go you cant go cant you see im desperate or are you honestly that blind you cant go not without me i cant be here alone with you never coming home its not fair was i the reason you left if youd known id need you so would you stop walking away im not ok please dont leave me here i need you if i dont have you i might die slowly inside i dont want to exist like that why do you keep walking away from me youre just making it worse i cant survive without you cant you understand that if you leave me here they'll kill me youll kill me you are killing me by walking away where are you going thats so important what did i do wrong to earn your scorn im not ok i wont be till you save me dont leave me here do you know what theyve done to me what theyll do to me spirit me away with you ill fade to black im barely holding on have you got nothing to say by the grace of God stay with me better yet get me away from this place i dont want to stay here any longer ive been here long enough where are you going im begging you dont go do you have to please take me with you i cant stay here any longer ill die do you understand they put me in a hole i cant stay i must get out i need you remember me take me with you i cant implore you enough get me out of here please this night im all alone in here i must be free i cant wait much longer hurry just this waiting is killing me im staring down a loaded gun get me out of here the fuse is short its about to blow im falling down in despair im on my knees begging you were once my one true love why wont you rescue me now was i really that stupid to think that highly of you i thought youd do anything for me you said you would but here you are just standing there impervius to my pleas but oh here they come please quickly now take me get me out or thisll be the very end why do you look at me like that theyre coming closer please let me out hunting season is open and im the first victim for theyre here theyre binding me and youre standing there watching youre not powerless please i beg you stop them dont let them take me now theyve got my feet im being dragged away youre getting smaller and smaller its getting darker and darker im going to die you know theyve come to actually kill me this time you could have saved me you could have prevented it but im beginning to believe you had a hand in my current state of affairs it was all you wasn't it but why you knew of my affections and now youve shattered them youve shattered me but at the same time though i be dead so far away ill always miss you more than i did yesterday.
12.09 am
damn. when i say i wanna write, i mean - i wanna write!
holy hell.
yeah im done for the nightgood night.
~~~
So yeah. That's what I wrote two nights ago. Now, if you'll kindly step to one side, I'll show you some interesting aspects of the piece. You'll notice many writings of "im not ok": well, I was listening to that song when I first set pen to paper. Many little phrases are from that song too. Um...there's only like two places where I put punctuation marks (of any kind) and that's because that's how I actually wrote it in my notebook. The fact that I could read it at all is a miracle, to be honest, my writing's terrible (as some of you can attest to...). I took other snippets of songs, but I don't know what they're called, so...Yes, I know the one question ("im not ok is that why youre gone or are you gone because im not ok") doesn't make sense, but a) I was tired when I wrote it, and b) it made sense at the time. I also threw an actually humourous line in from Shakespeare's "Hamlet": "oh here they come". Well, it's humourous in the play at any rate. Um...yeah. I think that's about all of my little footnotes. If I think of any more, I'll add an idea to the entry.
Peace
Remus