There are so many things I want to tell you...but I can't. I know how you are, and because of that, there is a wall. As much as it may kill me mentally and emotionally, I'm not going to hinder you anymore. Let it be said about me that whatever else I am, I am never selfish. Egotistical and self-absorbed? Probably. A martyr in my own mind? Most definitely. But I'm not going to fuck you over like I've been known to do. I may not have realised it at the time, but you and I both know it's true. It's in my nature and we've seen it time and time again. I'm not giving in to that anymore. Even though we both know who I'm talking to, I won't say here. And chances are good you know what I'm talking about. But I won't embellish it anymore. I just wanted to explain myself, should any distance be felt. I don't even know if it is felt, so it was just a precaution. Ask if you want, but you'll not get anything. You know how stubborn I can be.
But I still need to tell you that thought from the other night. At this point, I don't even know if you'll care or be interested - I've just about lost interest myself - but if I know you well, and I think I do, you just might be curious. It relates to conversations past, from months ago...from the beginnings of this blog even. And if that doesn't pique your curiousity, nothing will.
In the meantime...maybe I'll write.
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