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A Feeling Words Can't Describe

Don't ask me to be honest if you don't want to hear it.

Don't get stupid drunk because you don't like what you hear.

Don't judge me for drawing conclusions; I know you too well.

Don't ignore me because you don't like the answers I give.

Suck it up. Fight back.

Wonder why there's tension in our relationship?

We don't talk anymore.

We never have us time anymore.

Yes, part of that is my fault. I accept that.

But as you said nearly a year ago, this takes two.

I know I can be obnoxious, petty, competitive, overly-jealous.

But you knew this going in. In fact, it was that pettiness that first made me talk to you.

But you don't confide. You don't get over things.

There's no more support; or if there is, I can't see it.

I'm often told that love means loving everything about a person - faults included.

I'll be the first to admit I can't do this easily.

But I think it's coming back to me from your end as well.

I was going to blow a gasket on here, full of expletives and made-up words.

This is more calming though; allows me to put feelings down without anger.

Is it honest?

I thought you didn't like honesty.

I cannot tell a lie.

The future scares me shitless.

I've declared my history major, but...what does that mean for me in life? I don't want to be stuck in something - that's why it's taken me so long to declare. I love language, I love literature, I love history, I love theatre (even though I'm rotten at it) - how can I decide?

Every time I reconsider my options, I decide something new. Just earlier today I considered a religious studies minor - hadn't I decided on French/Japanese double minor (if I can swing Japanese)? There are so many possibilities that every time I settle on one, I feel as though I've denied the others.

Am I reading too much into this? Or being aware - and worried - that my future depends on this?

リマスの春休み、リマスのかぞく

私の春休みは3月9日から13日までだった。3月6日、私の友達とApplebee'sにばんごはんを食べに行った。後で、家に帰った。そうじしたり勉強したりした。一日だけデイアーボーンにかぞくのパーテイーにいった。とてもたのしかった。

私のかぞくはちょっとおもしろい。母と住んでいるが、父は私の家に住まない。母は二お姉さんと一妹がある。私は二男のいとこ、一女のいとこがある。

日曜日の午後、アルビオンに来た。少しかなしかったが、アルビオンが大好きだ。




＊＊＊If you come across this and cringe at the grammar, please:　手伝ってください。

I Regret to Inform You: We Really Did Just Have This Conversation.

Italics: me
Boldface: Charlotte-chan

dear ms former nazi:
i've decided this assignment sucks. so does the professor. i'm glad he's an adjunct.
sincerely,
an unsatisfied customer
ps. i think the assignment would have sucked even if i'd done most of the work ahead of time.

dear customer,
i've found most adjucts suck. their assignments also suck. we only have to suck it up for the rest of this semester, then it will all be over.
sincerely,
a formless void of useless information

dear void:
if adjuncts suck so, why do colleges hire them?
sincerely,
procrastinator extraordinaire

dear procrastinator,
the colleges hire adjuncts so as to avoid the need to blow unneccesary money out their asses. both have the same effect, except that the latter results in more paper cuts.
sincerely,
someone who pays ridiculously ludicrous amounts of money to go to a school that barely keeps up with state universities

dear ludicrous:
if they're blowing unnecessary money out their asses, why not blow it on decent adjuncts?
sincerely,
straw-grasper

dear grasper:
shit

dear failure...

dear grasper:
do such adjuncts exist? if so, please be so kind as to send them in a SASE a.s.a.p.
sincerely,
a non-believer (shuuuunnnnnnn)

dear shunned:
why must it be a sase if you're the one who wants them? and shouldn't i forward them to the school?
sincerely,
dazed and confused
ps. why are we still talking like this?

dear dazed:
you're the one who wanted them so fucking bad.
sincerely,
the board
p.s. because it kinda reminds me of monty python letters.... and it makes me laugh >_>

dear easily amused:
i only want good adjuncts if there need be adjuncts at all.
sincerely,
eric praline

dear ice cream:
take it up with someone who cares.
sincerely,
bitchy and apathetic

dear bitch:
*sniff* i thought you cared...
sincerely,
saddened by your indifference

dear pathetic lowling:
why would you think something like that? in fact, why bother trying to think at all?
not-so-sincerely,
CEO
p.s. in no way to be taken seriously.
sincerely,
charlotte who feels like a bitch even though it wasn't real.... *sigh*

dear whoever the fuck you are:
i like that you referenced you've got mail, even if you didn't mean it.
sincerely,
overthinking movie geek
ps. don't lose any sleep over it.

thanks
i didn't mean it
but now i wanna know what it is

toward the end when they become friends, he asks her if she's asked ny152 if he's married, so she does, and his response is all 'am i married? what kind of a question is that? don't you know me at all? oh wait - i get it. your friends are telling you the reason we haven't met is that i'm married. is that it?'
it brought that to mind is all

A Rant (Which Has Been Brewing for Quite Some Time)

Not for the first time, I just had another 'if I really tried, I could rock the world' moment.

There are so many areas of my life where this is applicable - if I got some proper training, I could have a great voice; if I got proper training of a different sort, I could become Broadway's next big thing; if I practised and worked at guitar, I could sing and play in a band; if I actually sat down and worked out just what it is I believe, I could rock the foundations of a couple major world religions (and piss some people off in the process).

No, really - I was reading the comments of this blog entry, and it occurred to me. My thoughts on the entire subject would appall some people. For instance: universalism and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. Christianity shows us a God who is infinitely loving and who desperately wants to know us, but, because He loves us, He gives us a choice of believing or not believing. It seems incredibly petty, therefore, for Him to condemn someone who chose not to believe when all He wants to do is know us. Wouldn't God take this opportunity to know us? Let's discuss the logic behind an all-knowing and all-loving God who willingly condemns His beloved children simply because they didn't believe in the right thing. It's almost as though He cares nothing for you except by what religion you call yourself. That logic I mentioned? Yeah. I'm not seeing it.

Point being - this is what's been floating through my mind for at least two years now. I cannot call myself a Christian because it implies I am a member of the organised religion. Will you accept the title of christian - emphasis on the lower-case 'c'? I believe that Christ is the right path for me, but it may not apply to everyone. You need to find your own way to God - if you decide you don't want to, ok. It's your perogative. I won't force my beliefs on anyone but I reserve the right to bring them up in debates - even if no one else agrees, I like to think they make an interesting counterpoint.

I think this might be the end of my search. I know what I believe, and I'm not likely to find somewhere this fits in completely. I reckon I'll just stomach the differences and save them for the debates.

In the meantime -

Shalom
Salaam
Pax Fiat
平和

Remus

I Can't Believe I Did That

I washed my spoon and measured out some chai latte instant mix while the water heated up. When it had I poured it into the mug while holding the spoon. I slid the spoon back into the latte to put the water heater back on its base, and when I looked back I couldn't find my spoon.

I lost my spoon to a chai fuckin' latte.

Did you want clever or smartass?

Using ONLY SONG TITLES from ONE artist, cleverly answer these questions:

1. Are you a male or female?
Dude Looks Like a Lady

2. Describe yourself:
Butterflies and Hurricanes

3. How do you feel about yourself?
It's My Job to Keep Punk Rock Elite

4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
Too Young to Fall in Love

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation:
Dead!

6. Describe your current location:
Somewhere I Belong

7. Describe where you want to be:
Wherever I May Roam

8. Your best friend is:
Life Support

9. Your favorite color is:
Rhapsody in Blue

10. You know that:
All You Need is Love

11. What’s the weather like?
Moon Dance

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called?
Everything's Just Wonderful

13. What is life to you?
Time Bomb Town.

14. What is the best advice you have to give?
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

15. If you could change your name what would it be?
Whatsername.


平和
Remus

Suspendies and a Bra

I miss mah internetz at home. Ah well. Life goes on, dunnit?

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood - bit windy, but nice. Ok by 'bit windy' I mean it's pretty gusty, which is making it feel cooler out than it is, but it's all kosher. It's beautiful.

Spring break FTW. Unfortunately, though, there doesn't seem to be much time for everything - rebooting the system, hanging out with people I haven't seen in ages, generally acting retarded...it's hard to fit all that in a week.

Um...yeah. I'm really good at lame updates, am I not? ^_^

Last but not least, enjoy this bit here. If you don't like it take it elsewhere - it's my favourite sketch/es.




平和
Remus

A Wee Li'le Update

Aye, just a wee 'un.

I went to church today. Hadn't been since returning to school in January. I think I'll go back after spring break.

I just might have a laptop again after spring break. Heads will roll if I don't.

I picked up some story starters offline a couple days ago. One of them fit nicely with a story I've been working on for a few years now, so I'm actually working on said story again. Nice change. I've missed it.

I use the word 'I' far too much.

I lent my suitemate a textbook for the semester. Even after what's happened, I better get it back. After all, I kept it for a reason and that reason wasn't her.

I might be going to both Applebee's and Olive Garden this week. Real food!

I think that's it.

平和
Remus