bleaugh...

Yeah, that word pretty much describes my life at the moment. Since I failed my history class (and I strongly suspect I failed English too) my mom's said that I can't be in the spring play at my school. That was almost a week ago. Well, on five of those days we've had at least one row, the last one having been Tuesday 'cause she also decided that I couldn't do a local community choir that I'm in and love going to. After she left I just railed at the empty house for like half an hour, about how shitty I feel because I can't do one of my few favorite activities -- acting, and how now she's even going after one of the others -- singing. Which is bad, 'cause even though I'm in one ofthe choirs at school, that's gone way downhill since my favorite-ever choir director quit to go to a different school, and the new one treats us like we've got no clue what we're doing, and that really pisses me off; that choir's gotten 1's at Festival, and here we are being treated like total shit. Goddammmit!!! So I can't do the drama either 'cause while it's true that I could do area theatre, I really can't because for that I'm going against far more experienced and older people, and with other groups, like the youth and family theatre, I don't like a good number of the people in there (they're in some of my classes) and I've heard horror stories of the director, so that's a no-go. Ugh! So I don't have any opportunities to do things that I'm passionate about (yes that sounded wrong, I'm well aware, thanks) and I haven't got any outlets for huge enormous energy and hormone-inspired emotions. And I've been reduced to yelling at empty houses! Ah I really need to shout and yell and scream and kick some walls (that's how I vent my violent side, 'cause that way I don't hurt anyone or myself -- you'd be surprised, kicking walls really doesn't hurt) and just get rid of some heavy duty emotions! But this is as good as it's gonna get, so...
That was long, I hope you'll forgive me; but I really needed to vent at something that wasn't going to rip me apart in return.
That is all.
~Remus