Dear Mom:
I feel like there are some things that need to be said.
You mentioned the other night (or whenever it was, it was fairly recently) that my style has changed dramatically over the past few years. I've been churning this over mentally, and come to the conclusion that that's not entirely correct. Yes, I have gone more for black, for red eyeliner, for Hot Topic, for louder music, for heavier music, just since sophomore year. Seems like a dramatic change just from my freshman year of high school, eh? Not really. Sure, I've changed my outward style. But I've always been this way on the inside. It's only been recently that I've grown the balls to let that style be known. The attitude, the immaturity, the darkness...it's all been there this whole time. I was just too afraid of what the world (and you) would say, would think. While I come off (hopefully) as nonchalant or uncaring when someone openly disapproves, it hits deep. Anytime I do something that I know someone disapproves of, all I can think is, I hope I don't see them while I'm like this. It stays with me. For years, and even now, I've been afraid of that. Why don't I share half the thoughts that go through my brain? Why don't I share details of conversations I've had? Why don't I share the stuff I've written? Why didn't I let on when I started listening to WRIF? I was afraid you'd disapprove. The first time we ventured into Hot Topic, I probably seemed a little tense, or uncomfortable. That was more because I was afraid of what your reaction to the store was than what was in it. I felt perfectly at home. (Well, perhaps perfectly isn't the right word, but you get my point.) Now, however, I see that that fear was misplaced. (Is that the right word?) And that's allowed my metaphorical balls to grow and become what they are today - bigger than most men. At least I'd like to think so.
Another random tidbit. (We're going into debt so I can have some quality introspective time, you'll notice.) You've been right for years. Really. About (almost) everything. I'm just a prideful dorkwad who won't admit when she's wrong. But we knew that. I've known you were right. So it's not some big revelation that every person has when they get to college, or after for some people. I just figured I should share this and explain.
And now for an exercise in trust. It's nothing to do with you, I promise. I'm about to send you the link to this on AIM. I realise that that shouldn't be a big deal, that I should have no qualms in sharing this, that that's a chickenshit way to deal with what's ultimately my complex (or whatever the term'd be). You want to read some of the crap I've written? Click the link under "Who Am I?" and from there, click on "Camelot." There you are. There's the insanity and stuff that I'm not necessarily proud came out of my mind. It's not everything, far from it. But it's a start. But I ask one thing: if you disapprove, don't let on. You know I love to write (and it's not all that dark, I promise - that's just what's been typed up) and I'd hate to have that poisoned too. But I will talk about it, 'cause I like talking it out. Works better than mental brainstorming, anyway.
Good God this is a downer.
Snow needs to bugger off.
Love ya, and thanks for putting up with me for eighteen years. You deserve a fecking metal.
Remus
PS I'd have signed with my name, but for the anonymity issue...My apologies for that.
19.2.08
13.2.08
Heat Wave, a Tropical Heat Wave...
A little bit of sun'll do a Michigander good.
Kendo was last night. Didn't go - no way in hell was I doing a hundred and twenty repititions with a headache. Oh no.
So instead I ventured to the library. I'd put a hold on the Sweeney Todd music book and wanted to go grab it before I forgot and it was put back on the shelf. While I was there, I browsed the movie section - we've got a pretty kick-ass movie collection. Good thing, because the nearest Blockbuster's Jackson. I picked up 2004's The Aviator. And I loved it. I'm sorry I missed this when it came out, 'cause now no one'll want to talk about it as much. Whatever. At least I saw it at all. I also realised something. I don't care what people say (rock and roll is here to stay) but I love Leonardo diCaprio. His acting ability kills me. Sorry LeoHaters, it does. I love it. End of story.
The ice is turning more to slush than ice! Lord be praised! 'Course, that means it'll probably freeze over night, but hey, it's melting right now. The melting also means it's warmer, all of sixteen degrees! Improvement from three.
It's summer in my rooooooom. I got this sweet candle at Bath and Body Works over break, and finally brought it back this weekend. Called "Sun and Sand." Smells like Coppertone Sunscreen! And when the scent gets stronger, it's like citronella! So it goes from Day At The Beach to Night 'Round The Fire! Amazing!!
Heat wave, a tropical heat wave...I need a life.
Kendo was last night. Didn't go - no way in hell was I doing a hundred and twenty repititions with a headache. Oh no.
So instead I ventured to the library. I'd put a hold on the Sweeney Todd music book and wanted to go grab it before I forgot and it was put back on the shelf. While I was there, I browsed the movie section - we've got a pretty kick-ass movie collection. Good thing, because the nearest Blockbuster's Jackson. I picked up 2004's The Aviator. And I loved it. I'm sorry I missed this when it came out, 'cause now no one'll want to talk about it as much. Whatever. At least I saw it at all. I also realised something. I don't care what people say (rock and roll is here to stay) but I love Leonardo diCaprio. His acting ability kills me. Sorry LeoHaters, it does. I love it. End of story.
The ice is turning more to slush than ice! Lord be praised! 'Course, that means it'll probably freeze over night, but hey, it's melting right now. The melting also means it's warmer, all of sixteen degrees! Improvement from three.
It's summer in my rooooooom. I got this sweet candle at Bath and Body Works over break, and finally brought it back this weekend. Called "Sun and Sand." Smells like Coppertone Sunscreen! And when the scent gets stronger, it's like citronella! So it goes from Day At The Beach to Night 'Round The Fire! Amazing!!
Heat wave, a tropical heat wave...I need a life.
6.2.08
Why Can't I Write Like This for Class?
Playlist Title: Iago (as in the ancient)
1.) Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
2.) Stupid Girl - Cold (I promise, it makes sense. You just don't know it.)
3.) We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
4.) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy
5.) Burn - Three Days Grace
6.) Master of Puppets - Metallica
7.) The Pretender - Foo Fighters
8.) House of Wolves - My Chemical Romance
9.) Shameful - Atreyu
10.) I So Hate Consequences - Relient K
11.) You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison - My Chemical Romance
Now, I expect you'd fancy an explanation on most of these. Sorry, #2 is staying in my mind, don't even bother asking.
Another One Bites The Dust - I'm not sure if this is the reason I chose to include this song; however, it could be argued that this is how Iago feels about not getting his promotion, albeit a bit over the top. "You took me for everything that I had, and kicked me out on my own! Are you happy? Are you satisfied?...There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man and bring him to the ground - you can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad and leave him when he's down. But I'm ready. Yes, I'm ready for you." You took me down. Oh no. Bring it on, Othello. Bring it on.
We're Not Gonna Take It - Iago was passed over for a promotion, and he wasn't gonna take that lying down. There are few lines in this song that, to me, embody Iago. "You're so condescending, your gall is neverending." In my mind, he hates that Othello presumes nothing to be wrong. Of course, we all know that if Iago and Othello were as close as the former makes it out to be, he would realise, but...Anyway, it fit in my mind.
This Ain't a Scene... - The first line is "I am an arms dealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words...And the lies I weave are oh so intricate." Iago manipulates words so well and so easily that this just seemed perfect. He also has this ability to - well - act. On the one hand, toward Roderigo, he hates the Moor, but as soon as anyone else happens upon them, he's loyal and "honest." As we, the readers and audience know, however, he has everyone duped. And the lies woven are so intricate that they cannot be unwoven until most parties involved are killed (or, in the case of Cassio, maimed).
Burn - "I'll tell you now - you can't win this...I won't let it show that I'm not always flying." While it doesn't end up happening, in Iago's mind, his plan is failsafe. He can't lose. Because of his duplicity, he cannot let his guard down and show his true colours ("wear his heart upon his sleeve," as he says in the first scene), nor does he care to. What good could be gained that way?
Master of Puppets - While I'm sure this speaks to your common sense, I'll explain it anyway. "I'm your source of self-destruction...Leading on your death's construction." Iago in a nutshell. He's the direct cause of Othello's downward spiral, and whether or not he planned it, he does indeed construct Othello's death.
The Pretender - I'm noticing a trend here...but the lyrics work as well as the title. Mostly this part: "I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear; I'm the face that you have to face mirrored in your stare; I'm what's left, I'm what's right - I'm the enemy; I'm the hand that will take you down, bring you to your knees." Again it could be directed toward both Othello and Cassio...poor bastards. They get the rotten end of the stick.
House of Wolves - One could argue that the lyrics of this song are written from Iago's point of view and directed at either Cassio or Othello. "You haven't got a prayer...Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell...Tell me I'm a bad man...It's a compliment, I swear..." In my mind, anyway, it lends itself to Iago's mental state.
Shameful - The title works well here, but this is my favourite part: " If you knew what I know, would you move like you do? With malicious discontent, you went about hell-bent to destroy - but did you have a reason why?" I love it. If Othello knew what Iago knew, which is that Desdemona is innocent, would he still try to catch her? No. While it's true he was acting under Iago's influence, he was still not being a very nice guy. And he was hellbent to destroy her without cause. I also love this bit: "Now, it's time to see what you don't mean to me."
I So Hate Consequences - "I got to get away...I so hate consequences, and running from you is what my best defense is...Don’t make me face up to this." In my mind, Iago was hoping to get off scott-free from all of this. He didn't get a promotion, so he was determined to take down as many people as possible. And when he gets caught, well... "It just now hit me this is more than just a set back." He's fucked.
You Know... - There's no skirting the issue - this song is about prison rape. While there are no specific lyrics in this one to apply directly to Iago or his motives, we know that Iago likely ends up in prison. Considering his decent standing in the military, chances are that he's responsible for more than one or two of the inmates' incarcerations. Chances are they aren't too thrilled about that. Chances are, they want some semblance of revenge.
Well...there it is.
1.) Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
2.) Stupid Girl - Cold (I promise, it makes sense. You just don't know it.)
3.) We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
4.) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy
5.) Burn - Three Days Grace
6.) Master of Puppets - Metallica
7.) The Pretender - Foo Fighters
8.) House of Wolves - My Chemical Romance
9.) Shameful - Atreyu
10.) I So Hate Consequences - Relient K
11.) You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison - My Chemical Romance
Now, I expect you'd fancy an explanation on most of these. Sorry, #2 is staying in my mind, don't even bother asking.
Another One Bites The Dust - I'm not sure if this is the reason I chose to include this song; however, it could be argued that this is how Iago feels about not getting his promotion, albeit a bit over the top. "You took me for everything that I had, and kicked me out on my own! Are you happy? Are you satisfied?...There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man and bring him to the ground - you can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad and leave him when he's down. But I'm ready. Yes, I'm ready for you." You took me down. Oh no. Bring it on, Othello. Bring it on.
We're Not Gonna Take It - Iago was passed over for a promotion, and he wasn't gonna take that lying down. There are few lines in this song that, to me, embody Iago. "You're so condescending, your gall is neverending." In my mind, he hates that Othello presumes nothing to be wrong. Of course, we all know that if Iago and Othello were as close as the former makes it out to be, he would realise, but...Anyway, it fit in my mind.
This Ain't a Scene... - The first line is "I am an arms dealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words...And the lies I weave are oh so intricate." Iago manipulates words so well and so easily that this just seemed perfect. He also has this ability to - well - act. On the one hand, toward Roderigo, he hates the Moor, but as soon as anyone else happens upon them, he's loyal and "honest." As we, the readers and audience know, however, he has everyone duped. And the lies woven are so intricate that they cannot be unwoven until most parties involved are killed (or, in the case of Cassio, maimed).
Burn - "I'll tell you now - you can't win this...I won't let it show that I'm not always flying." While it doesn't end up happening, in Iago's mind, his plan is failsafe. He can't lose. Because of his duplicity, he cannot let his guard down and show his true colours ("wear his heart upon his sleeve," as he says in the first scene), nor does he care to. What good could be gained that way?
Master of Puppets - While I'm sure this speaks to your common sense, I'll explain it anyway. "I'm your source of self-destruction...Leading on your death's construction." Iago in a nutshell. He's the direct cause of Othello's downward spiral, and whether or not he planned it, he does indeed construct Othello's death.
The Pretender - I'm noticing a trend here...but the lyrics work as well as the title. Mostly this part: "I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear; I'm the face that you have to face mirrored in your stare; I'm what's left, I'm what's right - I'm the enemy; I'm the hand that will take you down, bring you to your knees." Again it could be directed toward both Othello and Cassio...poor bastards. They get the rotten end of the stick.
House of Wolves - One could argue that the lyrics of this song are written from Iago's point of view and directed at either Cassio or Othello. "You haven't got a prayer...Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell...Tell me I'm a bad man...It's a compliment, I swear..." In my mind, anyway, it lends itself to Iago's mental state.
Shameful - The title works well here, but this is my favourite part: " If you knew what I know, would you move like you do? With malicious discontent, you went about hell-bent to destroy - but did you have a reason why?" I love it. If Othello knew what Iago knew, which is that Desdemona is innocent, would he still try to catch her? No. While it's true he was acting under Iago's influence, he was still not being a very nice guy. And he was hellbent to destroy her without cause. I also love this bit: "Now, it's time to see what you don't mean to me."
I So Hate Consequences - "I got to get away...I so hate consequences, and running from you is what my best defense is...Don’t make me face up to this." In my mind, Iago was hoping to get off scott-free from all of this. He didn't get a promotion, so he was determined to take down as many people as possible. And when he gets caught, well... "It just now hit me this is more than just a set back." He's fucked.
You Know... - There's no skirting the issue - this song is about prison rape. While there are no specific lyrics in this one to apply directly to Iago or his motives, we know that Iago likely ends up in prison. Considering his decent standing in the military, chances are that he's responsible for more than one or two of the inmates' incarcerations. Chances are they aren't too thrilled about that. Chances are, they want some semblance of revenge.
Well...there it is.
1.2.08
A Nifty Playlist I Made Last Night.
1.) Rasputin - Boney M
2.) The Worst Pies in London - Angela Lansbury (Stephen Sondheim)
3.) The Adventure - Angels and Airwaves
4.) Wagamama Koushinkyouku - An Cafe
5.) The Legend of Zelda Theme - Apocalyptica
6.) Hall of the Mountain King - Apocalyptica
7.) Epiphany - Len Cariou (Stephen Sondheim)
8.) Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls
9.) Tribute - Tenacious D
10.) Jambi - Tool
11.) Do You Wanna Dance? - Beach Boys
12.) Barbara Ann - Beach Boys
13.) Sing Sing Sing - Benny Goodman
14.) December 1963 - Billy Joel
15.) Hate Me - Blue October
16.) Everytime We Touch - Cascada
17.) Cat's in the Cradle - Cat Stevens
18.) Clocks - Coldplay
...
Yeah. I think I was drunk, too.
2.) The Worst Pies in London - Angela Lansbury (Stephen Sondheim)
3.) The Adventure - Angels and Airwaves
4.) Wagamama Koushinkyouku - An Cafe
5.) The Legend of Zelda Theme - Apocalyptica
6.) Hall of the Mountain King - Apocalyptica
7.) Epiphany - Len Cariou (Stephen Sondheim)
8.) Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls
9.) Tribute - Tenacious D
10.) Jambi - Tool
11.) Do You Wanna Dance? - Beach Boys
12.) Barbara Ann - Beach Boys
13.) Sing Sing Sing - Benny Goodman
14.) December 1963 - Billy Joel
15.) Hate Me - Blue October
16.) Everytime We Touch - Cascada
17.) Cat's in the Cradle - Cat Stevens
18.) Clocks - Coldplay
...
Yeah. I think I was drunk, too.
27.1.08
I Seriously Scare Me.
If you could get away with it completely, would you murder someone?
Excellent question. I'll get back to you.
When was the last time you had sex...and enjoyed it?
*grumbles* never...
Who pissed you off really bad recently?
Me. As per usual.
Do you know what veal is?
Mmhmm, and as sucky as the method is to get it, it's damn good.
Was your last ex good in bed?
...
Have you ever flashed a TV camera on a live show?
No...
What's something dumb you've done alone that you've never told anyone about?
I can't think of anything, but even if I could, why would I tell?
Do you like the movie theater?
Very much so. Except when it's fucking one degree out and I have to walk. That sucked.
Is squash really good or horribly gross?
Pumpkin's good, other than that, ew.
Who was the BEST kisser you've ever kissed with?
...
Would you kiss them right now?
...
Who had the worst kiss you've ever experienced?
...
Rough and Passionate or Sweet and Romantic?
All of the above.
Do you wish on shooting stars?
Yeah - I wish to actually see a shooting star. I always manage to miss the bastards.
Have you ever built a snow fort larger than 6 feet?
Well, it wasn't six feet high, but Jen and I (and maybe Alissa, can't remember) made a sweet fort of tunnels that was probably six feet altogether. That was pretty badass.
What's your favorite thing to do while waiting for someone to call/arrive?
Pace nervously. I'm weird, I know.
Have you ever microwaved a CD?
I'm with Brandon on this one...
Would you have sex with any of your friends right now?
Yeah.
What is more important...looks or personality?
Personality, but looks certainly don't hurt. I'm shallow, I know.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tounge?
Me no liek cherries.
Do you have a stuffed animal you sleep with at night?
Well, they're not animals, but I sleep with a couple plushies.
Ever piss your pants over the age of 13?
Don't think so.
Have any phobias?
Plenty.
Can you take off belts/pants with your mouth?
Haven't tried, but it doesn't seem that difficult.
Are you able to multitask?
Depends.
First Reaction: One Word Only!
Blood: yum.
Marshmallow: michelin.
Tape: scotch.
Money: ew.
Desire: painful.
Lust: sucks.
Envy: greed. (what the fuck.)
Murder: good. (*admits self to psych ward* You think I'm kidding on that?)
Cookie: yes!
Last Time You Had Sex: never.
Horror Flick: tim.
Tropical Fruit: grapefruit. (...)
Slam Pig: hamlet! ?
Lost In the City Sounds: carhorn.
Lollipops: charlie.
Gift Shopping: sucks.
Cannibalism: good. (I scare me now more than ever.)
Love: nice.
Demons: friends.
Best Friend Crying: leemealone.
Revenge on the one you Hate: yes.
Garbage: bleah.
Book: YES.
One-Night Stand: no.
Green: red.
Blue: green. ?
Black: good.
Red: blood.
Yellow: johanna.
Life: meh.
Excellent question. I'll get back to you.
When was the last time you had sex...and enjoyed it?
*grumbles* never...
Who pissed you off really bad recently?
Me. As per usual.
Do you know what veal is?
Mmhmm, and as sucky as the method is to get it, it's damn good.
Was your last ex good in bed?
...
Have you ever flashed a TV camera on a live show?
No...
What's something dumb you've done alone that you've never told anyone about?
I can't think of anything, but even if I could, why would I tell?
Do you like the movie theater?
Very much so. Except when it's fucking one degree out and I have to walk. That sucked.
Is squash really good or horribly gross?
Pumpkin's good, other than that, ew.
Who was the BEST kisser you've ever kissed with?
...
Would you kiss them right now?
...
Who had the worst kiss you've ever experienced?
...
Rough and Passionate or Sweet and Romantic?
All of the above.
Do you wish on shooting stars?
Yeah - I wish to actually see a shooting star. I always manage to miss the bastards.
Have you ever built a snow fort larger than 6 feet?
Well, it wasn't six feet high, but Jen and I (and maybe Alissa, can't remember) made a sweet fort of tunnels that was probably six feet altogether. That was pretty badass.
What's your favorite thing to do while waiting for someone to call/arrive?
Pace nervously. I'm weird, I know.
Have you ever microwaved a CD?
I'm with Brandon on this one...
Would you have sex with any of your friends right now?
Yeah.
What is more important...looks or personality?
Personality, but looks certainly don't hurt. I'm shallow, I know.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tounge?
Me no liek cherries.
Do you have a stuffed animal you sleep with at night?
Well, they're not animals, but I sleep with a couple plushies.
Ever piss your pants over the age of 13?
Don't think so.
Have any phobias?
Plenty.
Can you take off belts/pants with your mouth?
Haven't tried, but it doesn't seem that difficult.
Are you able to multitask?
Depends.
First Reaction: One Word Only!
Blood: yum.
Marshmallow: michelin.
Tape: scotch.
Money: ew.
Desire: painful.
Lust: sucks.
Envy: greed. (what the fuck.)
Murder: good. (*admits self to psych ward* You think I'm kidding on that?)
Cookie: yes!
Last Time You Had Sex: never.
Horror Flick: tim.
Tropical Fruit: grapefruit. (...)
Slam Pig: hamlet! ?
Lost In the City Sounds: carhorn.
Lollipops: charlie.
Gift Shopping: sucks.
Cannibalism: good. (I scare me now more than ever.)
Love: nice.
Demons: friends.
Best Friend Crying: leemealone.
Revenge on the one you Hate: yes.
Garbage: bleah.
Book: YES.
One-Night Stand: no.
Green: red.
Blue: green. ?
Black: good.
Red: blood.
Yellow: johanna.
Life: meh.
Wow.
I can't believe how...upset I get thinking about Heath Ledger. Somehow, whenever I think of him and his endless ability, I get all irked and pensive or something. I think it pisses me off, almost. Just...I dunno. There aren't words, I don't think, in the English language. So I'm done. Just had to put that out there.
26.1.08
Would You Take a Bullet for Anyone?
I'm doing a survey on MySpace, and this question came up. I didn't feel like putting a giant paragraph in the little survey, but needed to answer the question in writing somehow. So here we go. Might be a long and winding road, but bear with me.
Steve's answer really got me thinking. He mentioned he had done in a dream, so I thought back to see if I had done too. Instead I remembered all the other random-ass dreams that involve me somehow getting hurt or killed or other such random shit. I suppose I did, once, in a dream. S/he was supposed to be killed for something s/he did, and I stepped in and took the fall and was going to be killed instead. I woke up before the death was supposed to happen, but not before I said something to the effect of, "Look, if you want me to go quietly, take me now. Just get it over with."
Two things about this entire question bother me.
One is that...I wouldn't do that. I simply wouldn't. I haven't got the balls to do something like this. This is one of those thoughts that make me a terrible person: No matter who it was, I don't think I'd have the guts to go ahead and jump in front of a bullet for anyone, or take the fall, or anything. I value my well-being too much. I wish I could, truly I do. But I just don't think I would.
Another is that I can't help but think of Gaby and Horatio whenever this question comes up. In the original version, Dave tried to shoot Gaby, but as he pointed the gun, Ray's hand shot up and pressed on the end of the barrel, causing Dave's aim to be thrown off to the side slightly. While Ray ended up with a barely-usable hand, Gaby's life was spared when the bullet barely grazed her arm.
Horatio is the kind of person I've always wanted to be. But I'm not.
I guess...The short of it is, as much as I want to answer yes to this question, I don't think I would.
And that thought depresses me to no end.
Steve's answer really got me thinking. He mentioned he had done in a dream, so I thought back to see if I had done too. Instead I remembered all the other random-ass dreams that involve me somehow getting hurt or killed or other such random shit. I suppose I did, once, in a dream. S/he was supposed to be killed for something s/he did, and I stepped in and took the fall and was going to be killed instead. I woke up before the death was supposed to happen, but not before I said something to the effect of, "Look, if you want me to go quietly, take me now. Just get it over with."
Two things about this entire question bother me.
One is that...I wouldn't do that. I simply wouldn't. I haven't got the balls to do something like this. This is one of those thoughts that make me a terrible person: No matter who it was, I don't think I'd have the guts to go ahead and jump in front of a bullet for anyone, or take the fall, or anything. I value my well-being too much. I wish I could, truly I do. But I just don't think I would.
Another is that I can't help but think of Gaby and Horatio whenever this question comes up. In the original version, Dave tried to shoot Gaby, but as he pointed the gun, Ray's hand shot up and pressed on the end of the barrel, causing Dave's aim to be thrown off to the side slightly. While Ray ended up with a barely-usable hand, Gaby's life was spared when the bullet barely grazed her arm.
Horatio is the kind of person I've always wanted to be. But I'm not.
I guess...The short of it is, as much as I want to answer yes to this question, I don't think I would.
And that thought depresses me to no end.
24.1.08
Survey I Ganked from MySpace.
TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now, don't name the person:
1. I hope you're not serious...I like you, really I do, but not like that.
2. Why the fuck couldn't I talk to you? Jesus Christ, I want to get to know you, and you're already back in Texas.
3. Am I trying too hard? Not enough? Can you even tell? Just tell me, somehow.
4. Whether you believe it or not, I'm good, really. And you can stop beating yourself up over everything and anything - you're not responsible for every little thing that ever happens. So chill, dude.
5. I don't know if I like you like you, but if I do, what d'you reckon?
6. You make me twitch.
7. There are some days I really really really don't like you. Sorry.
8. Why are you marrying her? There must be something there I haven't seen, but...whatever. It's your wedding, and I just had to ask. 'Cause it doesn't look like all fun and games from this perspective.
9. Can we just be close friends? I like you a lot, but just in that way.
10. It may not be my place, but I'm proud of you. I miss you like fucking hell, but you're doing amazingly well for yourself. Keep it up or I'll beat your ass.
NINE things about yourself:
1. Excruciatingly shy.
2. I try to be clever and witty and fail miserably.
3. While I'm not Emo, I'm highly emotional.
4. I speak English, a decent amount of French, some simple Japanese, a few words of Spanish, Italian, German, and Arabic...And Pig Latin and Ubbi Dubbi.
5. I'm more than slightly obsessive.
6. I'm more than slightly paranoid.
7. i speek lolcatz. i can haz treet?
8. I can give a sailor a run for his money, as far as his mouth is concerned.
9. I can give an Alzheimer's patient a run for his money, as far as his memory is concerned.
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. Talent. Musical or theatrical or anything involving the performing arts...I'm easy.
2. Fit into my family. I'm not sure I do some days, but if you can meld in easily, you're welcome.
3. Be honest and straightforward, but understand what I say.
4. Be able to cook. 'Cause Lord knows I can't.
5. Have a sense of humour.
6. Act immature on occasion.
7. Be charming...have charisma but don't flaunt it, y'know?
8. Like hockey! Not a big deal, but...I needed an eighth thing.
SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. I'm emo. But not really.
2. Why the fuck do I procrastinate like I do??
3. Why?
4. I really need to figure out a surefire way to write.
5. How the world sees me.
6. Have mental conversations with other people...y'know, when I make up both sides of the conversation. Yeah.
7. No, really - WHY?
SIX things you wish you never did:
1. That entire conversation I just had.
2. Leave that paper till the last minute.
3. Hesitate.
4. Procrastinate.
5. Think as much as I do.
6. Fucking procrastinate.
FIVE turn offs:
1. Being an asshole.
2. Not driving very well.
3. Not listening.
4. Impatience.
5. Intolerance.
FOUR turn ons:
1. Honesty.
2. Unintentional charisma.
3. Humility.
4. I'm with Stormy here...I likes me mah hair.
THREE words that describe your life:
1. Mental.
2. Bizarre.
3. Introverted.
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Act with any of my favourite actors, even if it's just...I dunno. Even if it ends up being just a meeting, I want to be able to say, "I met So-and-so, bitches."
2. Visit Japan and France, and live in South Dakota.
ONE confession:
1. I bore even myself. So best of luck to you.
1. I hope you're not serious...I like you, really I do, but not like that.
2. Why the fuck couldn't I talk to you? Jesus Christ, I want to get to know you, and you're already back in Texas.
3. Am I trying too hard? Not enough? Can you even tell? Just tell me, somehow.
4. Whether you believe it or not, I'm good, really. And you can stop beating yourself up over everything and anything - you're not responsible for every little thing that ever happens. So chill, dude.
5. I don't know if I like you like you, but if I do, what d'you reckon?
6. You make me twitch.
7. There are some days I really really really don't like you. Sorry.
8. Why are you marrying her? There must be something there I haven't seen, but...whatever. It's your wedding, and I just had to ask. 'Cause it doesn't look like all fun and games from this perspective.
9. Can we just be close friends? I like you a lot, but just in that way.
10. It may not be my place, but I'm proud of you. I miss you like fucking hell, but you're doing amazingly well for yourself. Keep it up or I'll beat your ass.
NINE things about yourself:
1. Excruciatingly shy.
2. I try to be clever and witty and fail miserably.
3. While I'm not Emo, I'm highly emotional.
4. I speak English, a decent amount of French, some simple Japanese, a few words of Spanish, Italian, German, and Arabic...And Pig Latin and Ubbi Dubbi.
5. I'm more than slightly obsessive.
6. I'm more than slightly paranoid.
7. i speek lolcatz. i can haz treet?
8. I can give a sailor a run for his money, as far as his mouth is concerned.
9. I can give an Alzheimer's patient a run for his money, as far as his memory is concerned.
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. Talent. Musical or theatrical or anything involving the performing arts...I'm easy.
2. Fit into my family. I'm not sure I do some days, but if you can meld in easily, you're welcome.
3. Be honest and straightforward, but understand what I say.
4. Be able to cook. 'Cause Lord knows I can't.
5. Have a sense of humour.
6. Act immature on occasion.
7. Be charming...have charisma but don't flaunt it, y'know?
8. Like hockey! Not a big deal, but...I needed an eighth thing.
SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. I'm emo. But not really.
2. Why the fuck do I procrastinate like I do??
3. Why?
4. I really need to figure out a surefire way to write.
5. How the world sees me.
6. Have mental conversations with other people...y'know, when I make up both sides of the conversation. Yeah.
7. No, really - WHY?
SIX things you wish you never did:
1. That entire conversation I just had.
2. Leave that paper till the last minute.
3. Hesitate.
4. Procrastinate.
5. Think as much as I do.
6. Fucking procrastinate.
FIVE turn offs:
1. Being an asshole.
2. Not driving very well.
3. Not listening.
4. Impatience.
5. Intolerance.
FOUR turn ons:
1. Honesty.
2. Unintentional charisma.
3. Humility.
4. I'm with Stormy here...I likes me mah hair.
THREE words that describe your life:
1. Mental.
2. Bizarre.
3. Introverted.
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Act with any of my favourite actors, even if it's just...I dunno. Even if it ends up being just a meeting, I want to be able to say, "I met So-and-so, bitches."
2. Visit Japan and France, and live in South Dakota.
ONE confession:
1. I bore even myself. So best of luck to you.
17.1.08
Random News
I got a book from Farmer Kroger yesterday - three bucks. Oh snap. I love when they put stuff up on sale randomly, all the crap that doesn't sell. It's "Letters from an Age of Reason," by Nora Hague. Seems promising from the back. I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover. But I'm a sucker for cheesy-sounding teen romances. Thank you Stephenie Meyer.
Anyhow, it's basically a Romeo and Juliet story, only not, as far as I can tell. I'm only on page eight so far, simply because I'm been on the damn computer too much. It's the dawn of the Civil War, Juliet's from the north, Romeo from the south, and in order to be together they run off to Victorian London. Ok, so the back of the book tells it better than I do. But that's not unusual.
*shrugs* Just thought I'd share. I'll let you know how it goes.
Anyhow, it's basically a Romeo and Juliet story, only not, as far as I can tell. I'm only on page eight so far, simply because I'm been on the damn computer too much. It's the dawn of the Civil War, Juliet's from the north, Romeo from the south, and in order to be together they run off to Victorian London. Ok, so the back of the book tells it better than I do. But that's not unusual.
*shrugs* Just thought I'd share. I'll let you know how it goes.
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