alrighty then

I feel...: perfect
Jammin' to: MCR *Skylines and Turnstiles*
So yeah...
I totally gave this link to my friend from camp...after totally forgetting what I said...Damn my memory!
But that's ok, 'cause I've got stuff I can throw in a "friend's" face should she and I fight! Yay!!
But back to the guy...every time I talk to him, I'm reminded why I like him. He's so sweet, he likes drama and music, he's cute, he's funny...he's like everything I want in a guy. And he's not four years my senior (like yet another crush)! Cool! But I have to say congrats, he and his girlfiend are celebrating eleven months today -- may it continue. 'Kay, yeah, sounds funny coming from a girl crushing on him, but like I told him earlier, if he's happy with her, more power to them. And he's gonna read this later, and talk to me and be all "hey you keep talking about me, what's up with that" or whatever. You know what? I don't care. Yeah. I give up. It takes so much more energy to try to make everyone happy than to just be yourself and damn the consequences. I tried doing this before, and it lasted like two days. But I mean it this time (I think). If people aren't going to accept me for me, then fuck them. They're not worth my time.
It's late, and I'm tired as hell. I'm going to bed now.
Night all.
That is all.
Remus
PS Hey Pie jesu domine... dona eis requiem... -- In answer to your question -- I'd say the depression has currently passed. Till I see my choir director on Friday, that is. I am so not looking forward to that. *shudder*
PPS If you don't know what the hell pie jesu domine dona eis requiem means -- IT PROBABLY DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU, SO FUCK OFF :-D

Possible reasons for liking my chemical romance

I feel...: just kinda there
Jammin' to: Mcr *You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison*
'Kay, more venting...
I've recently been totally obsessed with all things My Chemical Romance. Why? Good question. So I was looking them up everywhere online, and I found this quote by Gerard:
· "If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about." And that explained a lot. Also, they're just a really cool group of people from what I gather. Gerard does stuff to raise money for searching for a cure for breast cancer (a cause near and dear to my heart -- no pun intended); Mikey worked at a bookstore, where he got the band's name from the title of a book; Frank likes the Harry Potter series (!); Ray, according to bandmates on "Life on the Murder Scene" just cares about the music, he doesn't care about the fame or success, it's all about the music; and as for the drummers, I like Matt's talent, but I like what the other band members are saying about Bob.
And I found a quote (again by Gerard) which kind of somehow explains to me what I said last entry:
· "That's what happens when you're all borderline psychotic and therein lies the beauty of this band - our duality. There's a duality to each band member too. There's a desire to have this constant conflict. If we write a write a song and it turns out really poppy, we have to make the lyrics really fucked up. There's psychosis to everything we do for sure. One day we're probably gonna write this number one pop tune that will be about a massacre!"
May or may not make sense to you. It will if you're "the girl with the broken smile," anyway (you know who you are). So yeah.
That is all.
Remus

A very small sample of what the picture guy and Meddy know...

I feel...: moodless
Wow, my cousin just called me butt and I agreed. How flippin lame.
Hmm... been kinda depressed lately. I figure I can put this here 'cause most of the people that'll read this have never met me! But yeah, I guess my passion for drama and theatre and a longing to be on stage are coming out. I haven't been on stage for something other than a concert since early November, and that really depresses me. I feel -- I dunno -- incomplete I guess when I'm not on stage, I don't feel I've done all I can with my day if I haven't adopted a character for at least a few minutes. I dunno why either. It's just how it is. I need -- k, I'm gonna sound crazy now -- I need to be in situations that I've never been in, nor hope to ever be. The kind that get adrenaline pumping, the tense ones, the ones where no adjectives can describe it exactly, only in controlled amounts I guess, where no matter what's going on, nothing could ever really hurt me, where if I'm stuck somehow, I'm really not so nothing could go wrong. It sounds kinda contadictory but it's possible: if one keeps the scene fresh, the energy of it remains and the actor can accept and embrace the emotions of the character and truly portray them. Y'know how I said before that I need a situation where no words could get the meaning across? That's kinda like how I feel trying to express this here. Damn, I can't believe I wrote all that and expect anyone to read it.
I must be flippin nuts.
That is all.
Remus

Randomness ensues...

I feel...: energetic
Jammin' to: Social Distortion *Reach for the Sky*
Yeah... nothing really going on *again*. Ahh the boring life I lead.
Madame keeps talking to my counselor 'cause I'm not doing homework. As much as I complain about her, she seems to be the only teacher I've got that actually seems to care about her students. Fear not, there's nothing goin on to be worried about, I just either forget that I've got homework, or I just don't feel like doing it. Lazy asses unite!
Erm... oh! The two highest choirs at my school went to Choral Festival Tuesday, and what did we get? Ooooh this made my day: The top choir, VE, got a two... and CC (*no* cross-country) got a ONE!!! OH! IN YOUR FACE VE!!!!
Now that that's out of my system...PMSing again... still... perpetually... if you value your life don't piss me off.
Hmm... yeah.
That is all.
Remus
PS Oh yeah! I'm goin' to Warped Tour! Woot! First good concert and I get to see loads of bands! *does happy dance* Erm... *is scared of herself and runs away*

Christmas in March beats Christmas in July...but Christmas in December kicks both their asses

I feel...: sleepy
Jammin' to: System of a Down *BYOB*
Cool day.
Met a bunch of my mom's friends from when she was in like high school. It was great.
K so that was today.
In other news...
Going to see my "immediate" family Friday, we're *finally* gonna have Christmas, should be great, ma famille est tres bizarre...Got back on touch with a friend from camp last summer, it's been great, we've been able to vent like we hadn't previously been able to. Add to it that he's one of the guys I'm crushing on. Bleargh.
Damn I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.
That is all.
Remus

Damn It!

I feel...: bitchy
Jammin' to: The end of The Phantom of hte Opera
*sigh*
So I said last entry that I think I've got another crush? Do you think I can remember who it is? Fuck no!
GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!
Oh, wait, nevermind, I remember.
Yeah.
That is all.
Remus

Random venting on crushes with alternative lifestyles...*thinks* hmm...perhaps I should explain this

I feel...: contemplative
Jammin' to: "Kingdom Hearts" *Dearly Beloved* (from the menu screen)
Anywho, there really hasn't been that much going on. Going to one of my best friend's b-day party tomorrow, should be great... Um, still a bit pissed about the play. I was really looking forward to that too! Goddamn it! For some odd reason I was really relaxed and confident in the audition, but wasn't on the callback list. But I just figured, well, "just because you're not on the callback list doesn't mean you don't have a part; just because you're on the callback list doesn't mean you have a part." What total bullshit. Almost everyone on the callback list got a fucking part. One of my other friends got the lead, so I guess I should be happy for him. But still, it really fucking pisses me off.
Other news... I've added a crush to my already too long list. Problem is, that means I've had to add him under one of the subheadings. Guess which one? Fucking gay. Nothing wrong with that, but that pisses me off 'cause I'll never have him. Gahhhhhhh! Damn alternative lifestyles. And I'm really jealous of a friend in the UK -- if her mom'll let her, she gets to go to the PotC: DMC premier in London! Life is so not fair. And if you're wondering what the hell PotC: DMC is, go here: http://www.imdb.com/register then here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325980/board/threads and start a new thread and ask. K? Enjoy. Yes I'm there, as Remus07. Keep looking, really, I'm there.
Oh, and I watched "A League of their Own" yesterday after school, and the whole time I watched Tom Hanks. It was kinda creepy; in almost everything he did throughout the movie, I saw my cousin! No, really, if my cousin's college ever did a production of that (why they would do that, I have no idea) he'd be great as that character. Can't remember his name. I swear, I could give a fucking Alzheimer's patient a run for his fucking money with this fucking memory.
I really shouldn't vent when I'm on my period, it makes me bitchy and I swear a lot.
What else, what else...? Oh, I got in a car accident a few weeks ago. Yup, first Friday of February. I was out with a couple friends of mine, one of whom the guy who's girlfriend's bro... yeah, him, and we were messing around with the CD player in the car and rear-ended a guy. Scary. The radiator on the van was busted, the left headlight popped out (but still working, go figure), and the hood wouldn't open, and my other friend (who was driving) got the ticket... she won't be driving for a while...
Damn I write a lot.
That is all.
Remus
PS Fave quote from one of my fave movies: "Oh fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!" Go translate and enjoy.
PPS Fave Bible verse: 2 Corinthians 6:4-10.
PPPS Talk about complete opposite ends of the spectrum...

Incredible Ecstatic-ness *slightly raises one eyebrow*

I feel...: cheerful
Jammin' to: MCR *Helena*
Happiness!
Yeah, so I dropped the class that was the main source of stress, and it's only been one day but I already feel so much better! Also, my mom relented and I've auditioned for the spring play at school! Under the stipulation that I keep up schoolwork and if grades begin to drop I'm out of the show (however I won't even find out about callbacks til tomorrow -- I'm not counting on getting a part either), but if I get a part I will absolutely keep them up! Wouldn't want to let the cast down would I? And now I sound really cocky, dammit... I hate it when I sound like that...
So just thought I'd bring anyone who's reading this up to speed on my newfound emotional and mental state.
That is all.
Remus

bleaugh...

Yeah, that word pretty much describes my life at the moment. Since I failed my history class (and I strongly suspect I failed English too) my mom's said that I can't be in the spring play at my school. That was almost a week ago. Well, on five of those days we've had at least one row, the last one having been Tuesday 'cause she also decided that I couldn't do a local community choir that I'm in and love going to. After she left I just railed at the empty house for like half an hour, about how shitty I feel because I can't do one of my few favorite activities -- acting, and how now she's even going after one of the others -- singing. Which is bad, 'cause even though I'm in one ofthe choirs at school, that's gone way downhill since my favorite-ever choir director quit to go to a different school, and the new one treats us like we've got no clue what we're doing, and that really pisses me off; that choir's gotten 1's at Festival, and here we are being treated like total shit. Goddammmit!!! So I can't do the drama either 'cause while it's true that I could do area theatre, I really can't because for that I'm going against far more experienced and older people, and with other groups, like the youth and family theatre, I don't like a good number of the people in there (they're in some of my classes) and I've heard horror stories of the director, so that's a no-go. Ugh! So I don't have any opportunities to do things that I'm passionate about (yes that sounded wrong, I'm well aware, thanks) and I haven't got any outlets for huge enormous energy and hormone-inspired emotions. And I've been reduced to yelling at empty houses! Ah I really need to shout and yell and scream and kick some walls (that's how I vent my violent side, 'cause that way I don't hurt anyone or myself -- you'd be surprised, kicking walls really doesn't hurt) and just get rid of some heavy duty emotions! But this is as good as it's gonna get, so...
That was long, I hope you'll forgive me; but I really needed to vent at something that wasn't going to rip me apart in return.
That is all.
~Remus

Chem Study Party + J, J and me = Chem Study Party - Chem Study = PARTAY!

I feel...: mellow
Jammin' to: weezer *Beverly Hills*
Ha! It has not been two months!
So a couple of friends and I figured we'd have a little chemistry study party for our final next week, only we didn't do any studying. We were supposed to meet at like 1.30, but last moment changes of plan came along and I didn't get over to the friend's house that we were meeting at until like 2.30. Then it turned out that our other friend still wasn't ready, so friend 1 (this is confusing! friend 1 is now Jacqueline, the other is Juliette, 'kay? no, those are just their French names, sorry -- I'm not a name dropper) so Jacqueline decided that we should do my hair and makeup. You have to remember that I'm not really a look-pretty-just-for-the-hell-of-it kind of girl, so this was somewhat traumatic for me. Anywho, I came out of it for the better and Jacqueline had a field day at my expemse. Just as she finished, Juliette called and said she was *finally* ready. This was like 3.30 now. We were a good two hours behind our original schedule. We remembered, though, that knowing the three of us, we tend to run late unless whatever we have to be on time for is required, like school concerts, so we'd basically planned for it whether or not we meant to. At any rate we left to pick up Juliette, and she thought I looked pretty sweet. I just blushed and told her to shut the fuck up. So we returned to Jacqueline's house and sat there and played on the computer and pigged out on random snacks and had a blast. I sat there almost the whole time with Jacqueline's bunny Bella in my arms. Oh my God she's so cute! Awwww! Anyway, we had fun, but we didn't get any studying done. But we had fun! Who cares about the damn chemistry final?! Not us obviously!
God I write a lot. I'm tired now.
That is all.
Remus